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I’m With Stupid – August 29, 2014

REMEMBERING HOW MUCH YOU LIKED WEDGIES
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallDid you ever see that movie, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” with Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet? It was pretty good and a little hard to follow, but basically it involved Carrey and Winslet’s characters having their memories cleansed of each other after a bad breakup, or something like that.

Like all movies that involve the artificial manipulation of people’s memories, “Eternal Sunshine,” which hit screens in 2004, has always been considered a work of fiction. But that was before Wednesday. Read the rest of this entry →

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08 2014

I’m With Stupid – August 22, 2014

HITCHER MEETS TERMINATOR IN TERRIFYING EXPERIMENT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIn case you were wondering, HitchBOT made it safely to the Pacific Coast last week. I know a lot of you have been following the HitchBOT story, so you’ll be glad to know it was a success.

For those of you who don’t know what HitchBOT is, I’ll explain. HitchBOT is a robot that just hitchhiked its way from Halifax, Nova Scotia, to Victoria, British Columbia, a distance of about 3,700 miles.

Super nerds might say HitchBOT looks a little like R5-D4 with pool-noodle appendages; Read the rest of this entry →

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08 2014

I’m With Stupid – August 15, 2014

BECAUSE I HAD TO BE A BIG SHOT, DIDN’T I?
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallSome of you may not know this, but I’m kind of a big deal. I get recognized. I mean, I got recognized once, and it could happen again, so it counts.

You see, that’s what happens when the same black-and-white picture of your bald head runs every Friday for 325 weeks in a row in a major national newspaper like The Aspen Times. Eventually, someone recognizes your face. Someone recognized mine, meaning that evidently my face hasn’t aged in six years, so I got that going for me, which is nice. Read the rest of this entry →

15

08 2014

I’m With Stupid – August 8, 2014

A SHAMELESS PLEA TO SPARE ME PHONE DUTY
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThose of you who know me know that despite my bald pate, near-constant stubble and middle-aged paunch, I am one of the least adult grown-ups in the world. Part of that comes from living in the Neverland that is the Roaring Fork Valley, certainly, but the main reason is that I’m an expert at shirking responsibility. I always have been, and by the looks of things, apparently I always will be.

That’s why it may come as a surprise to some of you to learn that in addition to being the CEO of Zero Budget Productions, Inc., a wildly successful creative-services company, Read the rest of this entry →

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08 2014

I’m With Stupid – August 1, 2014

IF THE SATELLITE’S A-ROCKIN’ DON’T COME KNOCKIN’
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallOK, you can relax now, people. The big crisis in Russia is over. Everything is going to be all right.

Well, maybe not everything. I mean, there’s still the whole Ukraine thing with its downed airliner, missiles and land mines, but at least Russian scientists know what the geckos are doing to one another again.

You’ve been following the saga of the geckos, right? It’s only the biggest, most salacious news story of the year in the scientific world. Read the rest of this entry →

01

08 2014

I’m With Stupid – July 25, 2014

SAVING ME FROM MY SUSPECT CYCLING SKILLS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI want to take this opportunity to wish my mother, who turns a year older today, a very happy birthday, although I fear she won’t have one. You see, my poor mother just had surgery the other day on her shoulder, and pain is one of her least favorite feelings but most favorite conversation topics.

On that note, I’d also like to wish my poor father good luck. Pop, make sure to get Mom a birthday present that is way over the top, like morphine or maybe the cast of “Downton Abbey” to wait on her hand and foot as she recovers. Read the rest of this entry →

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07 2014

I’m With Stupid – July 18, 2014

WHERE GREAT MINDS AND I COME TO MEET
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI got my annual dose of humility this week when I attended the Fortune Brainstorm Tech conference in Aspen, an event that brings Wall Street and Silicon Valley elite together for three days of talks and networking. I’ve been to it four years in a row now, and it’s always a good ego check for me.

My head had been a little swollen the past month or so because some guy told me he liked my semiweekly, volunteer radio show. Then Monday I had dinner in a room with a combined net worth of googolplex, none of it contributed by me, and that took care of that. Read the rest of this entry →

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07 2014

I’m With Stupid – July 11, 2014

I SHOULDA LEARNED TO POTATO THEM DRUMS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI’m going to be a pest this week and get a song stuck in your head, but it’s an OK song, so it won’t be that bad. And you’ll definitely remember the song. You’ll probably even remember the video, which seemed cutting-edge in 1985 but is laughably outdated now.

The song is “Money for Nothing,” by Dire Straits, and the video, made with Atari-era CGI, is notable for featuring a man’s frozen, decapitated head thawing out in a microwave oven. It was a big hit back when MTV still played music videos. Read the rest of this entry →

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07 2014

I’m With Stupid – July 4, 2014

IS IT EVER OK TO PUNCH AN EVIL RABBIT?
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallDid you ever see the movie “Willard,” starring Crispin Glover? It came out back in 2003 and didn’t fare that well at the box office, but it’s pretty good if you like creepy things like Crispin Glover. It’s about a guy who makes friends with the huge colony of rats living in his basement and then charmingly trains them to kill and devour someone.

Now, I’m as big a fan of pet rats as anyone; astute readers will remember that just a month and a half ago, I vowed to get one if they ever learn how to grow fur on their tails. Read the rest of this entry →

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07 2014

I’m With Stupid – June 27, 2014

THE CUTEST, SCARIEST THING YOU EVER DID SEE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallMy son and I got to see a family of skunks while walking along the Roaring Fork River the other day. There was a mother and four little ones about the size of kittens, and they were marching in a line through the underbrush with their tails sticking straight up in the air. It would have been the cutest thing ever, except that we had our two dogs with us, and our dogs love to chase little critters.

As you might expect, I was terrified. I screamed for the dogs to come to me, but they rarely listen and once again failed to do so, and both made a beeline for the skunks, seemingly intent on giving chase. Read the rest of this entry →

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06 2014


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