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I’m With Stupid – July 24, 2015

THE LENGTHS I’LL GO TO FOR AUTHENTIC POUTINE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallBefore I launch into my thrilling account of personal crises and derring-do, let me set the backstory for you. When my wife was a child, her family had a house on a lake in Quebec, near the resort area of Mont Tremblant. Her trips to Canada in those childhood summers make up some of her fondest memories, and as a result, she’s wanted to rent a vacation house on a lake for years.

This summer, my wife finally pulled the trigger and rented us a lake house for a week, and for the past couple of months, she, my son and I have all been abuzz with anticipation. Read the rest of this entry →

24

07 2015

I’m With Stupid – July 17, 2015

WHY MY CALLOUS INDIFFERENCE IS A GOOD THING
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIt doesn’t happen very often, but every now and then I’ll write a column about a grown-up subject that will touch some nerves and generate more than its fair share of responses. Last week, evidently, was one of those times. The subject of the column is immaterial; the point is that I ruffled some feathers and upset some people, and I’d like to speak to them personally this week.

Hi, guys and gals. How’s it going?

With regard to your hurt feelings, I’m going to say something that maybe people should have been saying to you for a few years now. Read the rest of this entry →

17

07 2015

I’m With Stupid – July 10, 2015

TOUGH TIMES FOR DISSENTING BAKERS IN ORWELL-EGON
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallLast week, if you’ll recall, we were discussing marriage equality, and I was expressing my disdain for county clerks who refuse to issue wedding licenses to same-sex couples. This week, I’d like to discuss the flip side of that issue, because if there’s anything I abhor nearly as much as bigotry and hate, it’s the thought police.

If you’re wondering what I mean by “thought police,” here’s the top definition from an Internet search: “A group of people who aim or are seen as aiming to suppress ideas that deviate from the way of thinking that they believe to be correct.” Read the rest of this entry →

10

07 2015

I’m With Stupid – July 3, 2015

ANTICIPATING REACTIONS TO REACTIONS TO REACTIONS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI know that on occasion this column can skew left in its political leanings, and in the past I may have offended a few people on the right side (looking at you, gun lobby). But I believe in fair play, so this week, just because the opportunity has presented itself, I’m going to try to be an equal-opportunity offender and outrage the left and the right simultaneously. I know that sounds like a radical idea, but I feel I’m up for the challenge.

We’ll start with the left and a law that could only have been passed in a very blue state, Read the rest of this entry →

03

07 2015

I’m With Stupid – June 26, 2015

THE ASPEN EQUIVALENT OF A RENAISSANCE FAIR
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallDespite the fact that I’m a little nerdy, spent my college years just a short drive from Larkspur, home of the Colorado Renaissance Festival, and actually used to play Dungeons & Dragons, I’ve never been to a Renaissance fair. There’s no particular reason for this. It’s just never happened.

I’ve heard wondrous tales, of course — tales of spit-roasted flesh being eaten right off the bone and buxom lasses serving flagons of mead — and, obviously, these stories pique my interest. Read the rest of this entry →

26

06 2015

I’m With Stupid – June 19, 2015

PRESENTING THE STUPID PARTY CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallYou probably know, thanks to the media’s already rabid coverage of the 2016 presidential election, that there are scads of Republican candidates running. But here’s something I bet you didn’t know: As of this writing, the actual number of declared Republican Party presidential candidates is 90.

That’s right: 90. There also are 65 Democratic Party candidates, 102 independents, 33 “others” and 20 “none.” In total, according to the Federal Election Commission, a whopping 397 people have already filed the necessary paperwork to run for president in 2016. Read the rest of this entry →

19

06 2015

I’m With Stupid – June 12, 2015

I SENSE THAT YOU ARE NOT VERY BRIGHT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThink about the fortuneteller in popular culture — the bandaged, bejeweled gypsy kind. Has there ever been an honest one? The only one I can remember is Whoopi Goldberg in “Ghost,” but that wasn’t until Patrick Swayze got into her and swayzed* her up and made her make out with Demi Moore.

Other than that, they’re all the same. They all seem to be named Madam Lazora for some reason, and they’re all either evil or they’re just liars, like the one who sent Pee Wee Herman off to find the basement of the Alamo. Read the rest of this entry →

12

06 2015

I’m With Stupid – June 5, 2015

A DUMBED-DOWN DEFINITION OF ‘MONUMENTAL’
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI’ve been doing a bunch of research recently on Browns Canyon National Monument, which many of you may not realize is now a thing. It’s over on the other side of Independence Pass from Aspen, on the far side of the Arkansas River between Buena Vista and Salida, roughly.

If you know Browns Canyon at all, it’s probably from having floated through it. It’s a very popular rafting trip. The area was just designated as a national monument by President Barack Obama back in February, but activists in Chaffee County have been pushing for the designation for decades. Read the rest of this entry →

05

06 2015

I’m With Stupid – May 29, 2015

ARRESTED DESPITE 72,000 GOOD-LUCK CHARMS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI have to admit that I’m a big fan of the senior prank, that time-honored tradition of doing something extra stupid just before you graduate high school. I consider it a much cooler rite of passage than the prom, which is downright barbaric. But it can’t be just any old prank. It’s got to be something clever, memorable, group-oriented and light on vandalism.

My high school class’ senior prank was to build a couple of cinder-block walls and seal off two wings of the school. It wasn’t a great prank, admittedly, Read the rest of this entry →

29

05 2015

I’m With Stupid – May 22, 2015

I’M A BOY, BUT MY MA WON’T ADMIT IT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI know I like to make fun of Boulder a lot in this column as a bastion of liberal fascism, and a lot of the time Boulder doesn’t really deserve it. But then, a lot of the time, it does.

I’m going to tell you this story in the plainest language I can so as not to taint it with my opinions yet. Then I’ll give you an earful. But first, I’ll let it stand on its own merits.

Just this past week, a Boulder woman named Kai McKenzie filed a civil-rights complaint against the Boulder Valley School District, Read the rest of this entry →

22

05 2015


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