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I’m With Stupid – July 18, 2016

TO HELL YOU RIDE, TO HEAVEN YOU GO
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallTo my way of thinking, which is usually wrong, there is a hierarchy of mountain towns in Colorado based on how mountain-y they really are. And by mountain-y, I mean scenic, authentic and a pain in the ass to get to.

By this measure, a place like Vail — with its resort feel, interstate highway and weekend hordes — scores quite low, while a place like Crested Butte — quaint, frigid and 30 miles from Gunnison — scores rather high. Aspen, historic and scenic but burdened with things like an airport, culture and a mostly four-lane highway, scores somewhere in the middle.  Read the rest of this entry →

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07 2016

I’m With Stupid – July 15, 2016

LET BOULDER MAKE ALL YOUR CHOICES FOR YOU
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallDo all of you guys remember the Good Humor man, or was that just an East Coast thing? You’d better believe I remember him. I consider his ice-cream truck an important part of my summer memories.

For those of you who don’t know, the Good Humor man was a guy who sold Good Humor-brand ice-cream treats out of a truck that played a distinctive jingle that must have been written by Pavlov himself, because when you heard that jingle, you immediately stopped what you were doing — you could be in the middle of pitching a baseball and you’d just drop it on the ground — and sprinted for the parking lot to get a King Cone or a strawberry shortcake bar.  Read the rest of this entry →

15

07 2016

I’m With Stupid – July 8, 2016

REST IN P, WIZARD OF WOO
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI’ve been running a kids camp this summer, and any time we go somewhere as a group — to a museum or whatever — we have huge fights over who controls the radio. I, a lover of music, can’t abide the horrific dreck the kids and the 19-year-old counselor want to listen to, and they, tasteless know-nothings that they are, show no appreciation for timeless classics like the Rolling Stones, Motown and pretty much anything made last century or with real instruments and un-autotuned voices.

Well, guess what, America? Chicken butt. Sorry, sorry. Force of habit from dealing with kids all day. Read the rest of this entry →

08

07 2016

I’m With Stupid – July 1, 2016

HERE’S AN ASPEN IDEA: SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallHey, Aspen — where the world’s elite are, at this very moment, convening for the annual Aspen Ideas Festival — I’ve got a favor to ask after all my years of faithful stupid. I’m calling on those of you who have Ideas Fest passes, from the elite all the way down to my friends, to perform a tiny act of civil disobedience for me.

If you’re reading this early enough today, go to the Hotel Jerome ballroom at 7:45 a.m. for a breakfast talk called “Who Should Safeguard Our Data?” Then all you have to do is stand at the back of the room and talk loudly among yourselves. That’s it. Just pick out a friend and start yammering away and don’t let up until breakfast is done.  Read the rest of this entry →

01

07 2016

I’m With Stupid – June 24, 2016

LIKE A PHOENIX RISING FROM TRUMP’S HAIR
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallA couple of weeks ago, I was hanging out with a friend of mine who sometimes works for and is a friend of Hillary Clinton. My friend has nothing but good things to say about the woman who, barring something unexpected, will be the Democratic Party’s nominee for president, and that puts me in a bit of a bind.

You see, I was planning on writing a few columns based on the whole “None of the Above” angle in Clinton’s upcoming battle with Donald Trump. I was going to do a whole “Brewster’s Millions” comparison, make a big stink out of not voting and explain why I dislike both candidates despite not knowing them or reading up on their positions.  Read the rest of this entry →

24

06 2016

I’m With Stupid – June 17, 2016

MY FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST: STOP FACEBOOKING
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallYou guys have heard of Facebook, right? If you haven’t, it’s this website that people go on to brag about themselves and tell everyone what they had for lunch. It’s all pretty silly, but apparently some people take it very seriously and think more highly of themselves if other people indicate that they like what the person did that morning or like the picture that person posted of their cat.

The weirdest thing about Facebook, though, is the way it has changed the very definition of friendship. To use myself as an example, I have, in reality, maybe a dozen close friends. I can’t say for sure that all dozen would agree, but to date they haven’t told me they aren’t my friends, so we’ll go with that number. Read the rest of this entry →

17

06 2016

I’m With Stupid – June 10, 2016

GETTING EXACTLY THE POLITICIANS WE IDIOTS DESERVE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallReally, Republicans and Democrats? This is the election you’re going to give us? Hillary Clinton versus Donald Trump? The very embodiment of corporate-driven politics as usual versus Donald freaking Trump? How the hell did you let this happen? How did you asses and elephants rig the system so completely that this is what we’re stuck with?

I’d implore you to stop this nonsense before it’s too late, but I fear it’s already too late, as more and more of your Republican so-called leaders are giving Trump their seal of approval every day.  Read the rest of this entry →

10

06 2016

I’m With Stupid – June 3, 2016

PRESENTING POP MUSIC’S LAMEST LYRICS EVER
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallLast week, as you may recall, we were discussing the worst song of all time, which I claimed is “You’re Sixteen,” as done by Ringo Starr. The column seemed to get a good response, with many of you tossing out other worthy contenders such as “Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks, “Mr. Roboto” by Styx, “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift and anything Donna Godchaux did with the Grateful Dead.

Buoyed by your response, I’m going to the musical well one more time. This week we’ll be tackling the subject of the most inane song lyrics ever. It’s important to note first, though, that this category has little to do with last week’s. Read the rest of this entry →

03

06 2016

I’m With Stupid – May 27, 2016

WORST SONG OF ALL TIME FINALLY REVEALED
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallAs many of you know, I consider myself a big fan of music. I know that’s not a particularly profound thought, but in my case — what with my funk radio show (moving to alternate Tuesdays starting June 21!) — it runs a little deeper. Music is one of my things.

This comes with one huge caveat, however: I consider bad music so much worse than no music at all. I applaud the artists for creating it and getting it on the air, but I fervently hope I never hear it again. I won’t go into depth about which genres I consider unlistenable, but they start with twangy country and move through techno and boy band right on up to modern hip-hop and anything auto-tuned.  Read the rest of this entry →

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05 2016

I’m With Stupid – May 20, 2016

NO GUN NECESSARY; JUST LOOK IN YOUR UNDERWEAR
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThere was a small legal happening a few weeks ago that didn’t make big news and ultimately may not be much more than a blip, but I think it merits further discussion. It concerns a lawsuit against Bushmaster Firearms and Remington on behalf of the families of people killed in the Sandy Hook school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, in 2012.

A Connecticut judge allowed the lawsuit to move to the discovery phase. This is significant because it’s the first lawsuit against the gun industry to make it that far since 2005, when a federal law was passed that absolved gun manufacturers of any liability should their products be “misused” in a crime to kill people.  Read the rest of this entry →

20

05 2016


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