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I’m With Stupid – October 28, 2016

by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThe other day I was rolling through Facebook, unfollowing anyone who posted more than once a day or took a selfie, and I came across a post that included a video and a hyperbolic proclamation along the lines of: “If everyone watched this one-minute film, there would be no war.”

The still shot from the video featured a smiling orangutan with one arm thrown over the shoulders of a pointer dog. I have a half-pointer, I’m a sucker for orangutans, and I’ve been trying to quit war for some time now, so I clicked on the arrow by the orangutan’s armpit and watched.  Read the rest of this entry →


10 2016

I’m With Stupid – October 21, 2016

by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThose of you who know me may be familiar with the saga of the gifted Mercedes, a problem with which I have been beset this summer. You may know of the emotional turmoil it has caused me and the hell my wife, son and I have endured in being just a one-car family these past few months. Well, you will all be happy to know that the ordeal is finally over, and we’ve all survived, thank God.

For those of you who haven’t heard the tale, I’ll start at the beginning. I have a Mercedes. It’s a 1998 E-class station wagon that my parents gave me a few years ago Read the rest of this entry →


10 2016

I’m With Stupid – October 14, 2016

by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI don’t know if you noticed, but Mars is hot. I mean, Mars is still cold, obviously, but for some reason, the red planet is very much in vogue right now here on Earth. People are talking. Why, earlier this week, I was reading the so-called news on CNN.com and there, hidden among 8,000 articles on Donald Trump, there was a Mars-themed essay penned by none other than President Barack Obama himself.

In the essay, which was titled “America Will Take the Giant Leap to Mars,” Obama stated in no uncertain terms that he believes our space-exploration goal as a nation is “sending humans to Mars by the 2030s and returning them safely to Earth, with the ultimate ambition to one day remain there for an extended time.” Read the rest of this entry →


10 2016

I’m With Stupid – October 7, 2016

by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThis week, I was going to write about a recent controversy that occurred at the University of Michigan. To wit: It seems the university has some weird policy wherein students are allowed to choose the gender pronouns by which they would like to be addressed in the official campus roster. This is supposedly meant to help professors identify students in ways that won’t accidentally offend the students.

Apparently, some kids who don’t identify as a specific gender don’t like to be addressed as “he/him,” “she/her” or even “they,” so somebody dreamed up words like “zir” and “zi.” I have no idea what those are supposed to mean, but then I’ve never had a problem with someone calling me by the wrong pronouns and have yet to go shopping for new ones. Read the rest of this entry →


10 2016

I’m With Stupid – September 30, 2016

by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallHere in Aspen, where the billionaires roam and the dowered and the affluent play, we take great pride in the prices of our homes. Why, just now I did a search to see how much a one-bedroom apartment in town would cost and found a pied-a-terre “within walking/biking distance” to downtown for $895,000. I was aghast at how low the price was.

Honestly, Aspen, the place was on the river. Back in the day that fact alone would have made it worth a million. What have we become? Read the rest of this entry →


09 2016

I’m With Stupid – September 23, 2016

by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI’ve always considered myself a bit of a music nerd, and as I may have mentioned before, I have what I call a phonographic memory — meaning I can remember the words to every song I’ve ever heard but somehow I won’t remember your name the first six times I’m reintroduced to you.

In some ways, it’s great. For instance, I like to sing along with the radio when I’m driving, so it’s nice not to fumble over the lyrics and look like an idiot when other people are in the car with me. In other ways, though, it can be a pain in the ass, and I was reminded of that recently when I started working an almost full-time job in an office near my home. Read the rest of this entry →


09 2016

I’m With Stupid – September 16, 2016

by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThe other day I got a text from a friend that read, “Hear about the Bon Appetit pho ‘controversy’? Sounds like something you would be interested in writing about to me.” That was the first I had heard of the controversy, so I decided to delve into it and see what the hullabaloo was all about. First, though, I had to figure out what pho is.

It turns out pho (pronounced: “fuh”) is a Vietnamese dish made with rice noodles and broth. I’m told it’s a trendy food item right now amongst hipster douchebags who think that noodles in broth is something to get excited about.

But on to the controversy.  Read the rest of this entry →


09 2016

I’m With Stupid – September 9, 2016

by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThere’s an old saying that goes: “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” You’d think this would be obvious, wouldn’t you? I mean, I’ve never lived in a glass house, but I’d like to think that if I did, I’d have enough sense not to throw rocks while inside it.

In fact, I think you could take the saying one step further and just declare that people living in any kind of house shouldn’t throw stones. I think that’s pretty sound advice. Throwing stones indoors is almost always a dumb thing to do.

I, however, would like to propose an additional amendment to the saying, Read the rest of this entry →


09 2016

I’m With Stupid – September 2, 2016

by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallAs a journalist (pause for laughter) and as an American in general, I consider the First Amendment of the United States Constitution perhaps the single most important run-on sentence ever written: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

I especially hold sacred the first semi-colonic clause: “or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press.” Sadly, this is the one that I worry is in the gravest danger. Read the rest of this entry →


09 2016

I’m With Stupid – August 26, 2016

by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI love the underlying concept of gold, silver and gemstones, which basically boils down to this: Wars will be fought, empires will be toppled and countless millions of people will die because human beings like shiny things. That’s pretty much it. That’s what we’re about: We like shiny stuff enough to kill people for it. If that’s not a sign that we evolved from raccoons, I don’t know what is.

Then there’s “Cash for Gold!” which is based on the idea that we all have lots of useless gold lying around and we had no idea we could sell it. This is a perfect strategy because there must be millions of people out there just like me. I’ve been sitting on a huge pile of gold in a cave for years now. Read the rest of this entry →


08 2016

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