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Archive for the ‘I’m With Stupid’ category

I’m With Stupid – March 24, 2017

ASPEN SHOULD RACE TO KEEP RACES IN TOWN
by Todd Hartley

Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? We should do that more often, by which I mean every winter.

If you weren’t in Aspen last week, you missed out on a heck of a party during the World Cup finals. It was the biggest sporting event in the city’s history, and I think Aspen knocked it out of the park. Things really couldn’t have gone much better.

The races were exciting, with plenty of drama; the courses held up beautifully, despite temperatures in the 60s; and the weather — well, if there’s such a thing as too perfect, a week in March with nary a cloud certainly qualifies. Read the rest of this entry →

24

03 2017

I’m With Stupid – March 17, 2017

THE INCONVENIENT TRUTH ABOUT ST. PATRICK’S DAY
by Todd Hartley

It’s St. Patrick’s Day today, and before I get drunk on green beer, I thought it might behoove me to learn something about the man in whose name I’ll be imbibing. Not that I care for Columbus Day, but at least I know what Columbus did. All I thought I knew about Patrick is that he chased the snakes out of Ireland, or something like that, which sounded pretty made-up.

So I looked the guy up, and guess what? It turns out we’ve been living a bunch of lies for all these years. Patrick, the man I thought was the patron saint of corned beef, cabbage and the color green, wasn’t actually named Patrick, and he wasn’t even Irish. Read the rest of this entry →

17

03 2017

I’m With Stupid – March 10, 2017

IT’S TIME FOR A “DAY WITHOUT THE DOWNVALLEY”
by Todd Hartley

I don’t usually wade into other people’s arguments, particularly in online comment sections, but I read an exchange of viewpoints recently on The Aspen Times’ website that I figured I could have a little fun with, so here goes. The names have been changed because I don’t feel like giving either guy the publicity, but other than that this is mostly real.

The first chap — call him Chet — is a frequent writer of letters to the editor about his favorite subject, which happens to be the Entrance to Aspen and its resultant traffic issues. Chet is very much against the status quo, fervently believes Highway 82 should make a four-lane straight shot into downtown Aspen and loves to tell people about it. Read the rest of this entry →

10

03 2017

I’m With Stupid – March 3, 2017

MINCED MEAT STUFFED IN INTESTINES? YES, PLEASE!
by Todd Hartley

We’re going to talk a lot about sausages this week, gang, so if you’re a vegan like my next-door neighbor, you’re probably not going to be too happy. This is going to be carnivorous. This is going to be like my proposed album cover for “The Chickahominy Sessions,” with the band Sweet ‘n’ Meaty standing outside the Sausage Emporium about to dig into some spicy Italian link wedges with marinara and provolone.

But seriously, how much do people love sausage? It’s awesome. Look at just patties alone. I’m convinced the sausage McMuffin with egg and offering breakfast all day are the only reasons McDonald’s is still in business. And more people definitely associate James Dean with breakfast patties than whatever the heck the other guy was known for. Read the rest of this entry →

03

03 2017

I’m With Stupid – February 24, 2017

THWARTING THE OLD “SHIPPING CHARGES UPFRONT” SCAM
by Todd Hartley

As penance for being a little mean-spirited and partisan of late, this week I’m going to use this space for an important public service announcement — by which I mean I’m going to tell you the tale of how someone tried to recently scam me.

Most of you won’t remember me talking about this, but I have a Mercedes that I need to sell (Great deal! Act now!). We have two other cars, so the Mercedes has mostly just been sitting around. Well, I finally got off my duff and cleaned it up and listed it for sale on The Aspen Times online classifieds. Me being me, naturally, I had to try the free route before spending anything. Read the rest of this entry →

24

02 2017

I’m With Stupid – February 17, 2017

LAUGH AND THE WORLD LAUGHS AT YOU
by Todd Hartley

At the urging of my mother, who responded to last week’s column with, “I liked it better when you were less political and more funny,” I’m going to try to avoid talking about politics this week, and I will try to be funnier. That could be hard, though, because A) I can’t get any funnier, and B) right now, politics is what’s funny.

Oh, I know I should be concerned and all that. I know I’m supposed to be worried about the direction our country is headed and blah, blah, blah, but I just can’t help but find all of this a little hysterical. Maybe I’m laughing to keep from crying, or maybe I’ve gone off the deep end, but this stuff is really funny to me. Read the rest of this entry →

17

02 2017

I’m With Stupid – February 10, 2017

ONE OF MY STATE’S SENATORS ISN’T GOOD AT SENATING
by Todd Hartley

We just got an abject, though illuminating, lesson in party politics here in Colorado courtesy of our two U.S. senators, Cory Gardner and Michael Bennet, with regards to the Senate confirmation of Michigan billionaire Betsy DeVos as secretary of education.

I mean, I guess everyone in America got the lesson, seeing as how the Senate split 50-50, with 50 Republican senators voting in favor of confirming DeVos, and all 48 Democrats and two Republicans, both women, voting against it. But I think the party divide was more amplified here in the Rocky Mountain State. Read the rest of this entry →

10

02 2017

I’m With Stupid – February 3, 2017

PERSONAL DISPUTES WE SHOULD CARE NOTHING ABOUT
by Todd Hartley

For the most part, in penning this column each week, I try not to write about local issues. The title is “I’m With Stupid,” after all, so I don’t want anyone I know to feel guilty by association should their name or cause appear in some rant of mine. This week, however, the real world intruded upon Aspen’s little bubble of unreality, so the topic of discussion will concern a business about a block from the center of downtown.

For those unfamiliar with the story, here’s what happened: A woman brought some memorabilia from Donald Trump’s inauguration to Suitable for Framing to have the stuff framed and the owner said she couldn’t fulfill the woman’s request. This much everyone agrees upon. What happened next is unclear. Read the rest of this entry →

03

02 2017

I’m With Stupid – January 27, 1017

FUN WORKOUTS TO HONE YOUR ABS AND ELBOWS
by Todd Hartley

Most of you probably don’t remember, but back before the holidays I wrote a column about how I was going to eat better and do the 30-day burpee challenge so as not to enter 2017 as the fattest version of myself. Even fewer of you may have given a crap about the results, and to those folks I apologize for never giving an update on how things went.

They went reasonably poorly, if you must know, which is part of the reason why I haven’t mentioned anything about it. I didn’t eat particularly well, which is to say that I didn’t change my eating habits, which is to say that I ate like a pig. And I only made it to 65 burpees on day 19, well short of the 100 I was hoping to do on day 30. Read the rest of this entry →

27

01 2017

I’m With Stupid – January 20, 2017

GET READY FOR ELVIS’S SECOND BIG COMEBACK SPECIAL
by Todd Hartley

I was never that big of an Elvis Presley guy. I was only 7 when he died, and I wasn’t really a fan of his music, so I never understood all the “King of Rock ‘n’ Roll” hype. By the time I was a teen in the ’80s, everything about Elvis, from his lyrics to his pelvis, seemed utterly tame, and he was never much more than an afterthought for me.

So, if you happen to be an Elvis fan — especially if you’re one who thinks the King is still alive — know that what I’m about to tell you is coming from a place of true skepticism. You can trust me 100 percent because I don’t have a stake in any of this. Read the rest of this entry →

20

01 2017


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