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Posts Tagged ‘aspen’

I’m WWith Stupid – August 21, 2015

HELP! I’M BEING HELD CAPTIVE IN A VAN
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI hope this all comes out OK, because I’m writing it in the dark in the back of the van in which I’m currently imprisoned. I want to tell the truth about my play while I still have time. God knows what these monsters plan to do with me when my usefulness to them has run out.

Some of you may remember that last week I wrote about becoming a first-time playwright. That part was true. But the play you will see this weekend and next weekend on the grounds of the former Aspen Art Museum is not the play I wrote. Read the rest of this entry →

21

08 2015

I’m With Stupid – August 14, 2015

WHY I’M HOPING TO BREAK A LEG NEXT WEEK
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIn my life, I’ve written four plays. Of those, only one — my fifth-grade class’s Christmas pageant — has ever been produced, and I have to admit it wasn’t very good.

I was told by my teacher that I had to write it, play Father Christmas and make sure everyone else got a role that allowed them to present their report on Christmas in another country. This made it difficult to develop characters and a storyline, and as a result I felt the play came off as trite and juvenile — or at least I felt that way in fifth grade. Read the rest of this entry →

14

08 2015

I’m With Stupid – July 31, 2015

GIVING IT WHAT ITS AWFUL BEHAVIOR DESERVES
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI am not, by nature, a violent person. I don’t hunt, I haven’t been in a fight that didn’t involve hockey since seventh grade and I don’t, under ordinary circumstances, think that fisticuffs or other pugilistic measures solve any problems. Having said that, however, I do feel that Aspen could benefit from having a mafia.

Now, before you jump all over me for supporting organized crime, I’d like to make it clear that I’m not. When I say “mafia,” I’m not referring to the mob. I’m not in favor of racketeering, trafficking in illegal drugs, loansharking or strong-arming people into paying for “protection services.” Read the rest of this entry →

31

07 2015

I’m With Stupid – June 26, 2015

THE ASPEN EQUIVALENT OF A RENAISSANCE FAIR
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallDespite the fact that I’m a little nerdy, spent my college years just a short drive from Larkspur, home of the Colorado Renaissance Festival, and actually used to play Dungeons & Dragons, I’ve never been to a Renaissance fair. There’s no particular reason for this. It’s just never happened.

I’ve heard wondrous tales, of course — tales of spit-roasted flesh being eaten right off the bone and buxom lasses serving flagons of mead — and, obviously, these stories pique my interest. Read the rest of this entry →

26

06 2015

I’m With Stupid – February 13, 2015

WHEN REALIZATION DAWNS ON BONEHEADED KIDS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallSome years ago, there was a program here in the Roaring Fork Valley called A Grassroots Aspen Experience that brought underprivileged, low-income kids from inner cities to Aspen for a week of fresh air and fun. It seemed like a nice enough program, but I always felt that it was only half of what it should have been.

In my mind, in addition to bringing kids to Aspen, A Grassroots Aspen Experience also should have taken some overprivileged, high-income kids from Aspen Read the rest of this entry →

13

02 2015

I’m With Stupid – February 6, 2015

WHEN LIFE (AND LANCE) IMITATES ‘THE SIMPSONS’
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI have a confession to make: I was once Lance Armstrong. I’m not proud to say it, but I feel like I have to come clean.

A few years ago, I worked for a week as a production assistant on a Nike commercial that was filmed, in part, at the top of Independence Pass. Some of you may remember the ad, which was called “Human Chain.” It was actually pretty cool.

It was composed of quick cuts wherein various athletes — Maria Sharapova, LaDainian Tomlinson, some soccer guy — were valiantly doing their things, Read the rest of this entry →

06

02 2015

I’m With Stupid – January 30, 2015

THE DANGERS OF BREATHING SNOWMOBILE FUMES
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThe Winter X Games have come and gone here in Aspen, and I consider myself fortunate this time around to have not had to attend. I’ve been very clear in the past that I’m glad the X Games are here — they’re a boon to the local economy and they shine the national spotlight on Aspen for a few days — but to an old fart like me (and most of the people I know, apparently), they’re insufferable in person.

One nice thing about the X Games, however, is that they feature sports that are popular in the mountains, Read the rest of this entry →

30

01 2015

I’m With Stupid – July 18, 2014

WHERE GREAT MINDS AND I COME TO MEET
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI got my annual dose of humility this week when I attended the Fortune Brainstorm Tech conference in Aspen, an event that brings Wall Street and Silicon Valley elite together for three days of talks and networking. I’ve been to it four years in a row now, and it’s always a good ego check for me.

My head had been a little swollen the past month or so because some guy told me he liked my semiweekly, volunteer radio show. Then Monday I had dinner in a room with a combined net worth of googolplex, none of it contributed by me, and that took care of that. Read the rest of this entry →

18

07 2014

I’m With Stupid – February 22, 2014

SHE’S GOT A GOLDMINE, AND I GOT THE SHAFT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallEditor’s note: The following is written entirely in the local Roaring Fork Valley dialect of Skibonics, the language of ski bums. Readers who aren’t ski bums may need a 12-year-old’s help comprehending certain words and phrases.

So, about that epic beater I took a week and a half ago: It wasn’t my fault; it was Aspen Mountain’s fault. If Ajax hadn’t been skiing so well, I might not have been behaving like such an idiot and probably wouldn’t have fallen into a mine shaft. Read the rest of this entry →

21

02 2014

I’m With Stupid – February 7, 2014

WHAT DOES THE FOX MEAN, STEWY?
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallMy wife has always believed that seeing a fox is good luck. I would argue, based on my encounters with the creatures, that foxes are not so much harbingers of good luck as they are signs that one has done something good or chosen the proper path. In any event, my wife and I both seem to agree that there’s something mystical about foxes, and I always consider it a treat to see one. Just keep that in mind as I proceed.

For you see, the real subject of this column, sadly, isn’t foxes; it’s the much heftier and serious topic of suicide. Read the rest of this entry →

07

02 2014


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