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Posts Tagged ‘california’

I’m With Stupid – December 2, 2016

THE RIGHT WAR ON THE WRONG BATTLEFIELD
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallWith the news last month that four cities — Boulder, San Francisco, Oakland and Albany, California — had voted to join cities like Berkeley, Philadelphia and Chicago in taxing sugary beverages, it got me wondering which beverages would be getting taxed and which wouldn’t. There’s a lot of sugar out there, after all, and it seems to me that these taxes could end up getting applied indiscriminately if not handled correctly.

So, being the diligent researcher that I am, I decided to look into the issue. It turns out that the basic rule is that if it has added sugar, it gets taxed. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. This means that non-diet sodas, iced teas and sports drinks will get taxed by the ounce, while 100 percent fruit juices with no added sugar will not. Read the rest of this entry →

02

12 2016

I’m With Stupid – November 27, 2015

THE PLEASURES AND PECCADILLOES OF TRAVELING BY TRAIN
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI suppose it was only a matter of time. You see, I live with a train-obsessed 8-year-old son, and we live a half-hour away from a stop on Amtrak’s California Zephyr line, which follows the route of the old transcontinental railroad from Chicago to the Bay Area. My son has been dying to take the train for most of his short life, so on Saturday, we got our tickets and he, my wife and I climbed aboard for a trip from Glenwood Springs to Martinez, California, to go spend Thanksgiving with my brother-in-law.

So how did it go? Let me put it this way: It’s a testament to how unbearable air travel and airports have become that a 26-hour train ride was much more pleasant than a three-hour flight. Read the rest of this entry →

27

11 2015

I’m With Stupid – July 3, 2015

ANTICIPATING REACTIONS TO REACTIONS TO REACTIONS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI know that on occasion this column can skew left in its political leanings, and in the past I may have offended a few people on the right side (looking at you, gun lobby). But I believe in fair play, so this week, just because the opportunity has presented itself, I’m going to try to be an equal-opportunity offender and outrage the left and the right simultaneously. I know that sounds like a radical idea, but I feel I’m up for the challenge.

We’ll start with the left and a law that could only have been passed in a very blue state, Read the rest of this entry →

03

07 2015

I’m With Stupid – May 4, 2012

SUING OVER NUTS AND THINGS THAT GO WITH THEM
by Todd Hartley

We all know that American society is far too litigious, right? I mean, hardly a day goes by that some imbecile doesn’t sue McDonald’s because they blame Big Macs for making them obese, and stories abound of prisoners suing states because they can’t get Count Chocula behind bars, or some such nonsense. But if you’ve ever wondered just how maddening things have gotten, two recent incidents are virtually guaranteed to get your blood boiling.

(Legal note: If your blood does, indeed, start boiling as a result of reading about said incidents, you may not sue me or the publication wherein you are reading this column. Read the rest of this entry →

04

05 2012

I’m With Stupid – March 30, 2012

LOPPING OFF LIMBS FOR FUN AND PROFIT
by Todd Hartley

Having never had a desire to injure myself, and having thus far successfully avoided putting myself in a position where lopping off body parts became necessary, I can’t claim to understand the psyche of self-mutilators. If forced to offer an opinion on the practice, I would probably say it seems like a bad idea, but like I said, I’m speaking from a position of ignorance.

I do, however, live in the Aspen area, former home to Aron Ralston, America’s most celebrated self-mutilator, Read the rest of this entry →

30

03 2012

I’m With Stupid – March 25, 2011

WHAT BECAME OF THE MONK, THE MONK, THE MONK
by Todd Hartley

A little over 20 years ago, I visited India as part of a program called Semester at Sea. While there I discovered a marvelous spirit called Old Monk Rum that I would go on to imbibe great quantities of over the next few weeks. I don’t know if it was any good or not, but it was cheap, and my friends and I bought lots of it while we were docked in Madras.

Semester at Sea, if you’re not familiar with it, is essentially 500 college kids drinking their way around the world for 100 days on a cruise ship, and for some reason their schools give them credit for it. Read the rest of this entry →

25

03 2011

I’m With Stupid – December 17, 2010

BAD PARENTS UNHAPPY ABOUT HAPPY MEALS
by Todd Hartley

I am, admittedly, not the best parent in the world. Oh, I try, but I’m lazy and not very bright, so sometimes things don’t work out exactly as planned. I frequently let my son stay up past his bedtime, and he can go many days between baths. I allow him to watch more TV than he should, and I still haven’t figured out how to get my son to eat healthy food. There is one thing I do know as a parent, though, and that’s this: If you want your child to be healthy, don’t make McDonald’s a staple of their diet. Read the rest of this entry →

17

12 2010

I’m With Stupid – October 22, 2010

NOV. 1: INTERNATIONAL BURN THE TAO TE CHING DAY
by Todd Hartley

I have an announcement to make, and some of you aren’t going to like it. But my principles and faith won’t let me sit by doing nothing any longer. As a red-blooded, God-fearing American, I have had enough of watching those people do the horrible things they’ve been doing to our country in the name of their twisted, foreign belief system and indecipherable holy book.

I’m talking, of course, about Taoists, those insufferable bastards you’ve been hearing so much about in the news, Read the rest of this entry →

22

10 2010

If you’re happy and you know it dress alike

Before you venture too far into this week’s column, I feel it’s only fair to warn you that what you are about to read is so sickeningly cutesy-poo that if you have an aversion to sweets, this is guaranteed to make your teeth hurt or possibly make you puke.

I love my wife, and in 43 years I hope to have been married to her for 46 years. (No, that’s not the vomit-inducing part of the column, smartass.) But if my wife and I ever start to dress alike, someone please do me a favor and kill me. Read the rest of this entry →

05

12 2008


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