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Posts Tagged ‘canada’

I’m With Stupid – November 18, 2016

ONCE-PROUD NATION TORN ABOUT BY BEAVERS AND BIRDS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI know things seem tough right now, America. I know it feels like we’ve been torn in two and we’re at war with ourselves. I know a lot of wimpy-ass college kids and professors need time off from classes to deal with their hurt feelings, and I know that rioting and protests are happening all over the place. I admit: It’s bad. But things could be worse: We could be Canada.

That’s right: Canada, that supposedly idyllic place you wish you could move to right now. You may not know this, America, since you’ve been so hung up on your own problems lately, but our neighbor to the north also has been a house divided for half a decade now, wracked by partisan squabbling, heated disagreement and all sorts of infighting. Read the rest of this entry →

18

11 2016

I’m With Stupid – March 11, 2016

SETTING REASONABLE LIMITS FOR YOUR TURTLES AND DUCKS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIf you know me, you know that I’m a friend to all animals, including the ones I have no problem eating, which is most of them. I consider myself a champion of the little creatures and very pro-wildlife in my political leanings, and I live with two dogs and a cat. So when I say that I’m cool with someone having a bunch of pets of various species, you can believe it.

But even I have my limits — and apparently my limits are 38 and 33.

Actually, let me rephrase that: I’m not sure what my limits are, but I know that the numbers 38 and 33, both of which factored into animal news recently, are way beyond them. Read the rest of this entry →

11

03 2016

I’m With Stupid – January 29, 2016

SALLY FORTH AND LEAVE NO SWASH UNBUCKLED
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallAs a writer, I’m frequently asked to submit a brief bio to go along with my words in order to provide some context as to who exactly is expressing the views I express. For most writers, this type of bio often reads something like this: “Distinguished Joe H. Blow professor of self-aggrandizement, Bob’s College of Knowledge; former adviser to President Skroob, canonized saint, poetic soul, underprivileged-child-saving doctor, super-achieving all-around awesome person.”

(In case you’re wondering, I didn’t make that up; I basically just paraphrased every bio of every blogger on the Huffington Post.) Read the rest of this entry →

29

01 2016

I’m With Stupid – August 7, 2015

MONTY TREMBLANT AND THE HOLY GRAIL OF POUTINE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI just got back from a vacation to Quebec earlier this week, so if I accidentally lapse into French in this column please excusez-moi. Actually, I should have learned from my time in French Canada that I should never speak French with anyone who actually speaks French, as the conversation inevitably goes something like this:

Me: “Bon jour.”

French-speaking person: “Bon jour. Ca va bien?”

Me: “Oui.”

French-speaking person: “Bkhkjblkjb dkfbdlkgfbkd lkbsbsug ifhdifdi kbtvvub cvuvaustv jihfb ibdfpibfg.” Read the rest of this entry →

07

08 2015

I’m With Stupid – July 24, 2015

THE LENGTHS I’LL GO TO FOR AUTHENTIC POUTINE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallBefore I launch into my thrilling account of personal crises and derring-do, let me set the backstory for you. When my wife was a child, her family had a house on a lake in Quebec, near the resort area of Mont Tremblant. Her trips to Canada in those childhood summers make up some of her fondest memories, and as a result, she’s wanted to rent a vacation house on a lake for years.

This summer, my wife finally pulled the trigger and rented us a lake house for a week, and for the past couple of months, she, my son and I have all been abuzz with anticipation. Read the rest of this entry →

24

07 2015

I’m With Stupid – August 22, 2014

HITCHER MEETS TERMINATOR IN TERRIFYING EXPERIMENT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIn case you were wondering, HitchBOT made it safely to the Pacific Coast last week. I know a lot of you have been following the HitchBOT story, so you’ll be glad to know it was a success.

For those of you who don’t know what HitchBOT is, I’ll explain. HitchBOT is a robot that just hitchhiked its way from Halifax, Nova Scotia, to Victoria, British Columbia, a distance of about 3,700 miles.

Super nerds might say HitchBOT looks a little like R5-D4 with pool-noodle appendages; Read the rest of this entry →

22

08 2014

I’m With Stupid – November 16, 2012

THE FISCAL BENEFITS OF SWAPPING IDAHO FOR SAMOA
by Todd Hartley

As of this writing, people in all 50 states had filed requests to secede from the union in the wake of the presidential election, and I have to say I can’t blame them. I’ve often thought America has become too big, unwieldy and homogenous for its own good. I think breaking the U.S. and Canada up into Euro-sized pieces might not be the worst idea ever, but that’s beside the point.

The most important thing about this news is that I smell a way for America to fix the deficit once for all and probably make a little walking-around money to boot. Call it the Secession Games. Read the rest of this entry →

16

11 2012

I’m With Stupid – August 10, 2012

SUCK ON THIS TOAD, YOU ANTI-AMERICAN POLLSTERS
by Todd Hartley

Near where I live, in central Colorado, there’s a town called Silt that has long had issues with its name. It seems like every few years, the young people of Silt spearhead a drive to have the name changed, only to be rebuffed by their elders, who don’t seem to mind living in a place whose name is synonymous with – and I quote – “ooze, slime, mud, sludge, mire, sediment.”

Admittedly, Silt is not the most inspiring of monikers, but then Silt isn’t the most inspiring of towns. Read the rest of this entry →

10

08 2012


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