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Posts Tagged ‘cats’

I’m With Stupid – January 6, 2017

AVOWED DOG PERSON EULOGIZES FELINE FRENEMY
by Todd Hartley

Before we get to the sappy part of this column, I want to explain a few things having to do with my relationship with poetry and cats. I feel a deeper understanding of both subjects will make it easier for you to forgive me for the sappy part when we finally get there.

First of all, I am not a poet. I’m more of a sonneteer. To me, a poet is someone who gets up in front of six people in a coffee house and recites some gobbledygook about their feelings, and that’s so not me. That sort of brutally honest, stream-of-consciousness stuff is beyond my capability. That’s why I work almost exclusively in sonnets. Read the rest of this entry →

06

01 2017

I’m With Stupid – June 13, 2014

ORGANIC CAT LITTER COULD DESTROY MANKIND
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI ran into an old friend at a memorial service last week, and she told me a story about cat litter that she thought was perfect for “I’m With Stupid.” I was intrigued immediately. You see, cat litter is a very sensitive subject with me — well, not so much cat litter as my cat’s failure to use it, but you get the idea. If the subject was cat litter and there existed a chance that it could help me change my cat’s peeing habits, I was all ears.

The story concerned an accident at America’s only nuclear dump, the Waste Isolation Pilot Plant in New Mexico. Back in February, a 55-gallon drum of radioactive waste that had just arrived there from Los Alamos National Laboratory suddenly burst open and spilled. Read the rest of this entry →

13

06 2014

I’m With Stupid – September 20, 2013

BREWING UP LOVE POTION NO. 9 LIVES
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallSeven years ago, when my wife was pregnant with our son, she came home one day and declared that her obstetrician had instructed her to stop scooping up the cat litter. She claimed there was a medical reason for this, but I always assumed it was just some deal women had worked out with their doctors to get out of doing an objectionable chore.

I base this on the fact that our son is now 6, which presumably should be long enough post-pregnancy for my wife to start cleaning the litter again. She hasn’t. Read the rest of this entry →

20

09 2013

I’m With Stupid – August 27, 2010

LET’S JUST HOPE SHE HAS NINE LIVES, TOO
by Todd Hartley

One of the things I’ve always admired most about the dimwitted — a group that by no means precludes me, mind you — is the way one person’s stupidity frequently begets even more idiocy on the part of others. A perfect case in point is the brouhaha going on right now in England over the actions of one insignificant woman who did one very dumb thing.

The woman, Mary Bale, a 45-year-old bank worker from the town of Stoke, achieved infamy earlier this week when a video of her dropping a cat in a trash bin was posted on the Internet. Read the rest of this entry →

27

08 2010

She swallowed the cat to catch the rat

The history of humans introducing non-native animal species to new lands is a long and glorious one. Some of the more notable successes include Africanized honey bees, which were introduced to the Americas in 1957 for the purpose of inspiring apocalyptic urban myths and low-budget horror films, and rabbits, which were set free in Australia in 1859 to inspire lazy Australians to get off their duffs and build a 2,021-mile rabbit-proof fence.

Typically, there is nothing to worry about when introducing new species. As Thomas Austin, the man who first released rabbits in Australia, said, “The introduction of a few rabbits could do little harm and might provide a touch of home, in addition to a spot of hunting.” Read the rest of this entry →

23

01 2009


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