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Posts Tagged ‘christianity’

I’m With Stupid – October 2, 2015

ZOMBIE PREPAREDNESS ISN’T REALLY A JOKE IN KANSAS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallYou know how sometimes things start off as a joke but then over time people start to take them seriously? (Just for the record: No, I am not referring to any 2016 Republican presidential candidates, although I easily could be.)

One of the best examples I can think of is the “five-second rule.” I always assumed that when people dropped food on the floor, picked it up, declared, “five-second rule!” and then ate the food, they were just kidding around. But when, years later, scientists had to release studies proving that germs could get on food in less than five seconds, Read the rest of this entry →

02

10 2015

I’m With Stupid – March 20, 2015

GOD SAID YOU SHOULD BUY ME A YACHT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallHey everyone, I’ve been talking to this guy and he told me that I need a big yacht so I can cruise around the world telling people that he told me you can get a big yacht if you believe you can.

And not just any yacht, mind you; he told me I needed Everest, a 600-foot megayacht being built right now in Fort Lauderdale. Everest will have 17 bedroom suites with private terraces, a pool, indoor and outdoor cinemas, a gym, spa, dive center, two elevators and room for two helicopters, numerous cars, a submarine, another boat or two and 80 people to run everything Read the rest of this entry →

20

03 2015

I’m With Stupid – February 27, 2015

HOW TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE BUYING A CHRISTIAN POTATO
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI don’t know if you heard, but earlier this week in Idaho, the Kootenai County Republican Central Committee voted on a proposal to have Idaho declared a Christian state. I don’t know what that means in terms of such a thing ever happening, but being that the opening words of the First Amendment are “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” I don’t think that particular idea’s going to make it very far. Read the rest of this entry →

27

02 2015

I’m With Stupid – June 1, 2012

GOD’S OWN WAY OF WEEDING OUT THE GULLIBLE
by Todd Hartley 

I know nothing about religion. Let’s just get that out of the way right off the bat. In fact, if you’ve been following this column the last four years, you can probably recall numerous instances when I wrote something so absurdly incorrect about people’s beliefs that it defied all belief. That’s ultimately how clueless I am when it comes to matters of faith.

But I content myself in knowing that, at the very least, I have never deliberately maligned someone’s faith, despite my stunning lack of knowledge concerning the subject. Read the rest of this entry →

01

06 2012

I’m With Stupid – December 30, 2011

A SWEEPING INDICTMENT OF SECTARIAN STUPIDITY
by Todd Hartley

I have a confession to make: unlike all you good Christians out there, I’ve never actually read the Bible. (You have read it, right?) I am pretty sure, however, that when people say “the Bible,” they’re all referring to the same book. Sure, there may be different translations, but I think it’s safe to assume each version says roughly the same thing: God made the world, Eve ate the wrong apple, the Jews escaped from Egypt, Mary got pregnant, Jesus was born, Jesus died, Jesus came back to life. I’m paraphrasing, of course, but you get the idea. Read the rest of this entry →

30

12 2011

I’m With Stupid – December 23, 2011

APPARENTLY GOD JUST LIKES TOM BRADY BETTER
by Todd Hartley

A friend of mine asked me recently when I was going to chime in on the whole Tim Tebow thing. At the time, I said I had no plans to, but evidently I lied, because I’m about to throw my two cents out there. I’ll admit, however, that this column will probably have little to do with Tebow himself and more to do with people’s reactions to him.

On a strictly football level, I’ve found Tebow’s success this season to be more amusing than inspiring. Read the rest of this entry →

23

12 2011

I’m With Stupid – March 11, 2011

THE END IS NEAR, AGAIN, HONESTLY
by Todd Hartley

Repent, people! The end is near, and this time we really, really mean it even more than we did the last time. We’re totally serious this time. The world is going to start to end on May 21, 2011, guaranteed, so you’d better be ready.

I know we previously claimed that the world was going to end some time in 970, 1000, 1284, 1504, 1524, 1533, 1648, 1666, 1794, 1814, 1836, 1843, 1844, 1847, 1874, 1881, 1910, 1914 or 1919, but back then we didn’t have the technology we have now, Read the rest of this entry →

11

03 2011

Alec's idiot brother needs your help

Remember that Alec Baldwin brother you never liked? Not Billy and not that other one whose name you can never recall. Who was he, Daniel or something like that? No, I’m talking about the other one, the one who starred in that stupid Pauly Shore “Bio-Dome” movie you never saw. What was that one’s name? Stephen? Yeah, that’s it, Stephen Baldwin.

Anyway, apparently he’s bankrupt, and he needs your money. But we’ll get to that later.

If you remember Stephen at all, it’s probably from the 1995 movie “The Usual Suspects,” in which he did a surprisingly good job playing a two-bit criminal named Michael McManus. Read the rest of this entry →

30

04 2010


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