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Posts Tagged ‘colorado’

I’m With Stupid – June 6, 2014

HIGHWAY SAFETY? DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallSomething happened recently northwest of Portland, Oregon, that really touched a nerve for me personally, and if you don’t mind I’d like to drop my usual snarkiness and cynicism for the week to discuss this serious topic in the adult manner that it deserves.

For I am a tunnel breath-holder. I hold my breath when I drive through tunnels — not every tunnel and not every time, but when the opportunity is there, I usually inhale a big lungful before going in and see if I can make it. I don’t remember why or when I started doing it, but it was a long time ago. Read the rest of this entry →

06

06 2014

I’m With Stupid – February 22, 2014

SHE’S GOT A GOLDMINE, AND I GOT THE SHAFT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallEditor’s note: The following is written entirely in the local Roaring Fork Valley dialect of Skibonics, the language of ski bums. Readers who aren’t ski bums may need a 12-year-old’s help comprehending certain words and phrases.

So, about that epic beater I took a week and a half ago: It wasn’t my fault; it was Aspen Mountain’s fault. If Ajax hadn’t been skiing so well, I might not have been behaving like such an idiot and probably wouldn’t have fallen into a mine shaft. Read the rest of this entry →

21

02 2014

I’m With Stupid – November 22, 2013

EXPERIENCE AUTUMN WITH EXPERT TIPS FROM FODOR’S
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThe following is an open letter to renowned travel and tourism publisher Fodor’s:

Dear Fodor’s,

I, like many Coloradans, love autumn in the high country. This one was particularly spectacular, with the aspens and scrub oak bursting out in every conceivable shade of yellow, orange, brown and red. Read the rest of this entry →

22

11 2013

I’m With Stupid – October 11, 2013

MOUNTAIN BIKING IS MUCH BETTER WITHOUT A MOUNTAIN
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI have a confession to make, and it’s probably going to brand me as a bit of a pariah here in the high country, but having spent 43 years not really caring what people think of me, I’m not sure why I would start worrying about it now.

Anyway, here’s the thing: I don’t especially like mountain biking. I know, I know: If you live in Colorado and consider yourself active, it’s more or less assumed that you love mountain biking, right? But it’s just not that enjoyable. Read the rest of this entry →

11

10 2013

I’m With Stupid – August 16, 2013

ON THE TRAIL OF COLORADO’S CUNNING CRYPTIDS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThere’s a program on Animal Planet called “Finding Bigfoot” that really ought to be called “Looking for Bigfoot” for reasons that need no explanation. Regardless, Sasquatch has become so famous that he now has his own reality show despite the fact that he actually may not be real.

Likewise, a million people visit Loch Ness each year to see if they can catch a glimpse of Nessie, the aquatic monster that purportedly lurks in its depths. Of course, none of them ever sees anything, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Real or not, Nessie is a bona fide celebrity. Read the rest of this entry →

16

08 2013

I’m With Stupid – July 19, 2013

THE DRONE MUTINY AND ITS ACCOMPANYING BOUNTY
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIf there’s one question we here at “I’m With Stupid” get asked all the time (there isn’t), it’s definitely “What is your favorite town?” I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, as “Do you actually get paid to write this nonsense?” and “What happened to your hair?” seem like much more logical queries.

In the past, we’ve always had trouble picking a favorite burg. We’re big fans of Telluride, Jackson, Wyo., Waitsfield, Vt., Cahuita, Costa Rica, and lots of other places, but as of last week, all those towns will be taking a back seat to what is absolutely our new favorite place on the map: Deer Trail, Colo. Read the rest of this entry →

19

07 2013

I’m With Stupid – June 14, 2013

DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI’m not sure if you’ve heard, but the big news here in Colorado is that eight counties in the northeastern part of the state want to split off and form their own state. That might seem shocking and a little upsetting, but I think it’s important to remember that most of us in the other parts of Colorado don’t really care.

The counties in question are Weld, Morgan, Logan, Sedgwick, Phillips, Washington, Yuma and Kit Carson. Collectively, they’re home to about 6.43 percent of Colorado’s population, an estimated 333,641 people. Of that number, 252,825 live in Weld County, many of them in the Boulder suburbs, which I would imagine probably want to stay part of Colorado. Read the rest of this entry →

14

06 2013

I’m With Stupid – April 19, 2013

ASPEN HIGHLANDS’ WORST POWDER DAY EVER
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI guess I believe in global warming. I mean, I don’t want to, but in the face of what is basically indisputable evidence, I kind of have to. Still, I’ve always clung to the hope that maybe the planet has just been in a cyclical warm spell for the past two decades. Perhaps, I thought, if we just had a really cold winter or two, the ice caps and glaciers would grow, the pine beetles would die, and the whole global-warming thing would prove to be a false alarm along the lines of Y2K.

In light of recent events, however, I’m forced to admit that global warming is all too real. Read the rest of this entry →

19

04 2013

I’m With Stupid – October 19, 2012

MY IGNORANCE OUGHT TO BE MORE BLISSFUL
by Todd Hartley

I don’t know about you guys, but I had a pretty unproductive summer. I mean, I traveled to Europe in June, a gift for which I will be eternally grateful, but after I got back to Colorado I didn’t really do a whole lot for the next three months.

I finally got off my duff and climbed a mountain in the snow a couple of weeks ago, but up ’til then I think it’s a measure of how little I did that my main accomplishment this summer was to eat more peaches. Read the rest of this entry →

19

10 2012

I’m With Stupid – August 17, 2012

THE ORGANIC REINCARNATION OF PROUD OZYMANDIAS
by Todd Hartley

I live in a small mountain town – population 3,836 – but it’s not that small. It’s part of a larger valley with tourist destinations at both ends and a decent-sized population that likes to think of ourselves as somewhat cosmopolitan. Thus it is with great fanfare that we recently welcomed to the valley our very own Whole Foods Market.

When I tell you the anticipation had been building for years, I am absolutely not kidding. This project has been on the books since wooly mammoths roamed our valley. Read the rest of this entry →

17

08 2012


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