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Posts Tagged ‘congress’

I’m With Stupid – October 4, 2013

A BEAUTIFUL AUTUMN DESPITE WASHINGTON’S WORST EFFORTS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI went for a hike with my dogs on Tuesday, the first day of the dreaded government shutdown, and I have to say that it was the most glorious autumn day I’ve ever experienced in my 43 years of living in both New England and Colorado.

This was not because of the shutdown, mind you. In fact, we wanted to go for a hike at the Maroon Bells, but thanks to the inaction of the petulant douche bags in our House of Representatives, the Bells were closed, so we had to go elsewhere. Read the rest of this entry →

04

10 2013

I’m With Stupid – December 28, 2012

THE LONGER THE WEAPON, THE SHORTER THE TOOL
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallNow that we’ve finally decided we can actually have a conversation about gun control in this country, I think those of us who are in favor of tougher measures have to face one unavoidable truth: Trying to control guns now is a case of shutting the barn doors after the horse gets out.

Gun-rights advocates are quick to point out, correctly, that as of 2009 there were more than 310 million nonmilitary firearms in the United States. That works out to a rate of about one gun for every American citizen. Read the rest of this entry →

28

12 2012

I’m With Stupid – November 23, 2012

NOVEMBER OFFICIALLY DECLARED NATIONAL JACKASS MONTH
by Todd Hartley 

Boy, this has been a hell of a month for jackasses, hasn’t it?

(At this point, I imagine you’re assuming this is going to be a column about Donald Trump and Karl Rove, but that’s not the case. I mean, don’t get me wrong; Trump and Rove have certainly distinguished themselves in the annals of braying idiocy this November, but I’m talking about actual donkeys, not buffoonish publicity whores and shameless squanderers of other people’s fortunes.) Read the rest of this entry →

23

11 2012

I’m With Stupid – April 20, 2012

MAKING YOURSELF MORE SMARTER THE ALCOHOLIC WAY
by Todd Hartley

Are you tired of hearing nothing but bad news? I know I am. It seems like every time I turn on the TV or surf the Internet or pick up a newspaper, all I hear or read about is government gridlock, partisan bickering in Washington, war, terrorism, murder, unemployment, obesity, etc., etc., etc. Thankfully, I’ve finally found some news that is not only good, it’s also completely practical.

A recent study from the University of Illinois published in the Journal of Consciousness and Cognition has shown that when men are given alcohol, “they can solve almost 40 percent more problems Read the rest of this entry →

20

04 2012

I’m With Stupid – November 25, 2011

NOT SO SUPER, SINCE YOU’RE ASKING
by Todd Hartley

(Editor’s note: The following is a transcript of I’m With Stupid’s recent conversation with the plaintiff in a contentious legal battle.)

IWS: Good morning, and welcome to the first installment of “Word Court.” Our guest today is a word that says his credibility and good name have been gravely besmirched recently, and he wants those responsible to be held accountable for their actions. I’m talking, of course, about the formerly formidable adjective “super.” Read the rest of this entry →

25

11 2011

I’m With Stupid – July 29, 2011

REVISITING LISA SIMPSON’S ‘CESSPOOL ON THE POTOMAC’
by Todd Hartley

Editor’s note: This column is solely the opinion of “I’m With Stupid” and does not necessarily represent the views of anyone else, even though it probably does. The following is an open letter to all congressmen, congresswomen, senators, senatrixes, cabinet members, Obama administration members, White House staffers and pretty much everyone else in Washington, D.C., who is even tangentially involved in the federal government.

Dear jackasses,

Today, as we stand on the verge of a debt-related crisis that could plunge our great nation – and, indeed, the world at large – ever deeper into financial chaos, there are a few important things for you all to know. Read the rest of this entry →

29

07 2011

Congress tackles footblah, blah, blah

I was bartending the other night — believe it or not, this column doesn’t pay all my bills — when this gal at the bar mentioned how excited she was that NFL training camps are opening soon. Naturally, she was a Denver Broncos fan, as people in most states have other things to hold their interest in the summer. I gave a weary groan, in my own obnoxious way, to let her know what I thought of football talk in July, and that was basically the end of it. Sadly, though, football discussion has become a year-round pursuit, and unless you’re a rabid pigskin fan, it gets mind-numbingly boring. Read the rest of this entry →

10

07 2009


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