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Posts Tagged ‘florida’

I’m With Stupid – February 12, 2016

NOW I KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME A BLOCKHEAD
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI have seen, in my day, a handful of monuments to people’s obsessions that I think were head and shoulders more impressive than the rest. There are the obvious ones, things like the Brooklyn Bridge, completed in 1883, and the Crazy Horse Memorial, which the Lakota tribe has been sculpting out of a granite mountain in South Dakota since 1948. The ones I really go for, however, are the ones that show how driven one or two motivated people can be.

My all-time favorites are Bishop Castle, a 160-foot-tall fortress that one guy has been building by himself in Colorado since 1969, and the Medieval Mosaic, an unbelievably intricate tapestry made out of millions of tiny metal pieces that a family in Geraldine, New Zealand, worked on for about 25 years. Read the rest of this entry →

12

02 2016

I’m With Stupid – January 15, 2016

GOING WHERE EVERYTHING IS AWESOME, HOPEFULLY
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThe following is an excerpt from my son’s extensive Christmas and birthday wish list (see if you can sense a theme): “Lego pasenger train, lego frate train, lego snow plow, lego space shutel, lego helacoptur, other lego helacoptur, lego airport, lego fire stayshun and a lego mini cooper for Mommy.”

If you guessed that the theme is that my son is a poor speller, you’d be wrong. I made those errors. They only slipped through because the editor also thought my son spelled them wrong. Read the rest of this entry →

15

01 2016

I’m With Stupid – January 16, 2015

BOW WOW WOW YIPPIE YO YIPPIE YAY, AMEN
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallSometimes, the answer is right in front of you and you don’t even realize it. Take, for example, the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office in Clearwater, Florida. For the past few months, people in the office have been walking on two new rugs bearing the department’s emblem, and it wasn’t until last week that someone finally noticed that instead of reading “In God we trust,” like they were supposed to, the emblems on the rugs read, “In dog we trust.”

I, for one, think that is the greatest thing ever, Read the rest of this entry →

16

01 2015

I’m With Stupid – November 7, 2014

STUPID IS ALIVE AND WELL IN THE NUTMEG STATE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIn my ongoing research for this column, there are certain states that seem to appear on my radar more often than others. Florida, for example, is the current epicenter of stupid, and on any given Friday the antics of Sunshine Staters alone could fill a dozen columns. But picking on Florida is low-hanging fruit, so I only dip into that well when I must.

Texas, by virtue of its sheer size and Texas-ness, is always good for scads of stupid, as are California and New York for very similar reasons. Alaska, surprisingly, has been a fount of stupid recently thanks to a certain family and matriarch from Wasilla. Read the rest of this entry →

07

11 2014

I’m With Stupid – November 23, 2012

NOVEMBER OFFICIALLY DECLARED NATIONAL JACKASS MONTH
by Todd Hartley 

Boy, this has been a hell of a month for jackasses, hasn’t it?

(At this point, I imagine you’re assuming this is going to be a column about Donald Trump and Karl Rove, but that’s not the case. I mean, don’t get me wrong; Trump and Rove have certainly distinguished themselves in the annals of braying idiocy this November, but I’m talking about actual donkeys, not buffoonish publicity whores and shameless squanderers of other people’s fortunes.) Read the rest of this entry →

23

11 2012

I’m With Stupid – January 21, 2011

MAN SNIFFS DOG AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT
by Todd Hartley

Having lived in and around Aspen for the past 18 years, I have a bit of an odd confession to make: I’ve never tried cocaine, and I’ve pretty much never had any desire to. I’d see Aspen’s cocaine folk getting up at noon after three hours of sleep, looking like hell, or still hanging out in dive bars at the age of 62, and I’d have to admit that cocaine looked glamorous, but somehow I managed to resist the urge. Read the rest of this entry →

21

01 2011


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