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Posts Tagged ‘food’

I’m With Stupid – July 15, 2016

LET BOULDER MAKE ALL YOUR CHOICES FOR YOU
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallDo all of you guys remember the Good Humor man, or was that just an East Coast thing? You’d better believe I remember him. I consider his ice-cream truck an important part of my summer memories.

For those of you who don’t know, the Good Humor man was a guy who sold Good Humor-brand ice-cream treats out of a truck that played a distinctive jingle that must have been written by Pavlov himself, because when you heard that jingle, you immediately stopped what you were doing — you could be in the middle of pitching a baseball and you’d just drop it on the ground — and sprinted for the parking lot to get a King Cone or a strawberry shortcake bar.  Read the rest of this entry →

15

07 2016

I’m With Stupid – June 26, 2015

THE ASPEN EQUIVALENT OF A RENAISSANCE FAIR
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallDespite the fact that I’m a little nerdy, spent my college years just a short drive from Larkspur, home of the Colorado Renaissance Festival, and actually used to play Dungeons & Dragons, I’ve never been to a Renaissance fair. There’s no particular reason for this. It’s just never happened.

I’ve heard wondrous tales, of course — tales of spit-roasted flesh being eaten right off the bone and buxom lasses serving flagons of mead — and, obviously, these stories pique my interest. Read the rest of this entry →

26

06 2015

I’m With Stupid – September 19, 2014

THE PREDICTIVE PROWESS OF DEEP-FRIED POULTRY
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallBy the time you read this, Scotland will have decided already whether to secede from the United Kingdom and form its own independent country. I assure you, however, that as of this writing, the vote is still in the future and I don’t know what the outcome will be. I can hazard an informed guess, though, and for that I have KFC to thank.

For you see, just the other day, a customer at a KFC in England ordered a “fillet feast” and received a deep-fried chicken breast that is the spittin’ image of England without Scotland Read the rest of this entry →

19

09 2014

I’m With Stupid – June 20, 2014

THE ONE THING BACON DOESN’T MAKE BETTER
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI was at a party last night, and one of the appetizers being served was a little skewer of fried pork belly. Naturally, I went back for seconds … and thirds, fourths and fifths, which is not quite as gross as it sounds, as the portions were quite small. (Of course, I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t have gone back for fifths if the portions were bigger.)

Despite gorging myself, I have to say I’m still ambivalent about pork belly as a food trend. It’s not that I dislike the taste or have any moral objection to eating fat; it’s just that pork belly doesn’t deserve to be its own trend. Read the rest of this entry →

20

06 2014

I’m With Stupid – January 17, 2014

THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWER OF RING-SHAPED PASTRY
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallA couple of winters ago, I drove a car from Connecticut to Colorado by myself. I took Interstate 80, which meant I would be crossing from New Jersey to Pennsylvania through the Delaware Water Gap, a point at which there is a tollbooth. I saw a sign alerting me to the upcoming toll, and I realized I had no cash on me, so I pulled off the highway at a small town in western New Jersey to find an ATM.

As I rolled down the street looking for a bank I spied a drive-through Dunkin’ Donuts, and it dawned on me that there are no Dunkin’ Donuts anywhere near where I live. If I wanted a Boston Kreme or an apple crumb, it might be my last chance. Read the rest of this entry →

17

01 2014

I’m With Stupid – September 13, 2013

WOLFGANG ROCKS THE THREE-PIG CULINARY MASTERPIECE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallEvery so often, in penning this column, I get to write words that I never thought I would see together in a sentence — words so incongruous that there exists virtually no possibility of their being associated. To me, those occasions constitute one of the great joys of the writing profession, and I like to recognize them when they occur.

Thus, it is with great fanfare that I get to write the following: Todd Hartley stayed at the Ritz-Carlton last weekend.

Ahoy polloi. Read the rest of this entry →

13

09 2013

I’m With Stupid – August 23, 2013

MAN VS. WAY MORE FOOD THAN HE CAN HANDLE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI’ve always thought of myself as a pretty impressive glutton. Back in high school, when other kids were cruising through calculus and physics, I considered lunch my best subject. I couldn’t figure out a derivative if my life depended on it (and I just had to look that up to remember what the hell calculus was about), but I could inhale a ham-and-cheese sandwich, a bag of chips, an apple and four Oreos faster than anyone I knew.

Given that, it might come as a shock to some of you to learn that I’m not filthy rich. Read the rest of this entry →

23

08 2013

I’m With Stupid – March 22, 2013

A HUMBLE ODE TO POULTRY-SAUTEED BEEF
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI don’t follow a lot of rules when it comes to eating. I know that’s hard for many of you to believe, given my chiseled abs and total lack of body fat, but it’s true. I have guidelines — mostly having to do with avoiding vegetables and similarly healthy foods — but as far as rules go, I pretty much have only one: If the name of a dish consists of three things I like, I’m going to order that dish.

Let me give you an example: chili cheese fries. Do you enjoy chili, cheese and fries? Chances are you’re going to love chili cheese fries. Read the rest of this entry →

22

03 2013

I’m With Stupid – March 1, 2013

I’LL HAVE TWO BIG BITES WITH EXTRA GOLD, PLEASE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI’m a little worried today, people, and I need to unburden myself to somebody, so you’ll have to do. You see, I have a disturbing feeling that my food bills are about to go up considerably, and I’m not sure what I can do about it.

Now, before you go thinking that this has something to do with the looming sequester we’ve all been hearing so much about, I can assure you it doesn’t. I have no idea what the sequester is, and I can’t seem to make myself care. Read the rest of this entry →

01

03 2013

I’m With Stupid – June 29, 2012

A BUNCH OF RANDOM STUFF I LEARNED IN EUROPE
by Todd Hartley

Astute readers of this column – both of them – may have noticed over the last couple of weeks that I’ve been on holiday in Europe (that’s what Europeans call going on vacation). I’m back now, and I brought with me a few tidbits and observations about life across the pond that I will now share with you, whether you’re interested in them or not.

• I was told once by a very intelligent lady from Munich that “the Bavarian body needs more fat.” I have no idea if such a controversial statement is true, but whether they need more fat or not, Bavarians are definitely getting it. Read the rest of this entry →

29

06 2012


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