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Posts Tagged ‘food’

I’m With Stupid – May 18, 2012

COME FOR THE FREAK, STAY FOR THE FOOD
by Todd Hartley

I suppose this isn’t the first time life has imitated the Simpsons – there are, after all, more than 500 episodes of that show – but this is the first time I can remember life imitating my favorite Simpsons episode, and it has put me in a frabulous, grabulous, zip-zoop-zabulous mood.

Let me refresh the scene for you: In season 4 of “The Simpsons,” in 1992, there was an episode called “New Kid on the Block,” written by Conan O’Brien, in which Homer sues a seafood restaurant – “The Frying Dutchman” – for falsely advertising its “all-you-can-eat” buffet. Read the rest of this entry →

18

05 2012

I’m With Stupid – January 27, 2012

YES, BACON IS STILL MY FAVORITE CONDIMENT
by Todd Hartley

Three weeks ago, as some of you may remember, I wrote a column about the three-week health-food cleanse upon which I was then embarking. I thought I’d take this occasion to update you on how it went and answer the question of whether or not I made it the whole three weeks.

The column ran on the Huffington Post, where it received quite a few comments from people wishing me good luck. A few days later, I received an e-mail from a representative for PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Read the rest of this entry →

27

01 2012

I’m With Stupid – January 13, 2012

SETTING MY OWN STUPID RECORD STRAIGHT
by Todd Hartley

I’ll admit it: I’ve got nothing this week. Not one measly original thought in my head. So in order to stretch this poor excuse for a column to 750 words, I’m going to follow up on some of my more recent diatribes, written back when my brain still occasionally functioned. Those of you who don’t regularly read “I’m With Stupid” may have a hard time following this, but that’s not really my problem, is it?

• Are you freaking kidding me? I go on a health-food cleanse for one week, and Hostess suddenly files for bankruptcy? Come on. Was I seriously the last person keeping the company afloat? I can’t be the only one in America who routinely eats eight or nine Twinkies for breakfast, can I? Read the rest of this entry →

13

01 2012

I’m With Stupid – January 6, 2012

THE BEEFY CRAVINGS OF A NEWLY CLEANSED CARNIVORE
by Todd Hartley

I have to give you vegetarians credit. You folks must be the strongest-willed people on Earth to not break down and eat meat. Seriously, I don’t know how you do it. And the fact you’ve convinced yourselves that vegetarian meals are delicious and satisfying is even more impressive, though possibly a tad delusional.

Actually, that’s not fair. There are plenty of vegetarian dishes that taste just fine, but you need to eat about six of them per sitting to feel anywhere near satisfied. Read the rest of this entry →

06

01 2012

I’m With Stupid – December 2, 2011

GIVING NEW MEANING TO THE WORDS ‘FOOD FIGHT’
by Todd Hartley

I’ve noticed a bit of a disturbing trend recently, and I’m wondering if any of you have too. Ever since Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly famously called pepper spray a “food product, essentially” in the wake of the pepper-spraying incident at UC Davis, people have apparently decided it’s OK to use all manner of food products as weapons and flimsy excuses to attack other people.

Obviously, there was the noteworthy tale of the woman in California who pepper-sprayed a crowd at a Wal-Mart to get in better position to take advantage of Black Friday bargains, Read the rest of this entry →

02

12 2011

Big Mac to be replaced by Big Bjørk

I don’t know about you, but I’m concerned about Iceland. Oh, I’m not worried that Iceland is suddenly going to attack the U.S., and I don’t think it’s about to become the next terrorist hot bed. But Iceland’s been taking this global recession kind of hard, and I fear for the overall health of its citizens.

You see, no one in Iceland will be able to get a Big Mac anymore, as all three of Iceland’s McDonald’s restaurants will be closing for good after this weekend, victims of the precipitous drop in the value of the Icelandic krona. Read the rest of this entry →

30

10 2009


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