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Posts Tagged ‘guns’

I’m With Stupid – May 20, 2016

NO GUN NECESSARY; JUST LOOK IN YOUR UNDERWEAR
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThere was a small legal happening a few weeks ago that didn’t make big news and ultimately may not be much more than a blip, but I think it merits further discussion. It concerns a lawsuit against Bushmaster Firearms and Remington on behalf of the families of people killed in the Sandy Hook school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, in 2012.

A Connecticut judge allowed the lawsuit to move to the discovery phase. This is significant because it’s the first lawsuit against the gun industry to make it that far since 2005, when a federal law was passed that absolved gun manufacturers of any liability should their products be “misused” in a crime to kill people.  Read the rest of this entry →

20

05 2016

I’m With Stupid – March 18, 2016

EVIL SITH LORD SPOTTED ON LONG ISLAND CAMPUS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallYou may not know this, but there was an incident recently at Farmingdale State College on Long Island in which the entire school went into lockdown because someone thought they saw a person assembling a rifle. It turned out it wasn’t a rifle; it was a lightsaber. When they realized that, the cops went away and the college returned to normal.

This just shows how ridiculous security measures have become in this country. They locked down an entire college because someone thought a lightsaber was a gun. And then, when the cops and campus security found out it wasn’t a gun, they acted like it was no big deal. Read the rest of this entry →

18

03 2016

I’m With Stupid – August 28, 2015

HOW DO YOU FIRE A PISTOL WITH YOUR FEET?
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallAs you’ll no doubt agree if you’re a regular reader of this column, I’ve been rather wrapped up in myself the past couple of weeks. I’ve been yammering away so much about my play — which has two more showings, by the way — that I’ve totally neglected my important role as arbiter of what is and what is not stupid in today’s society.

So self-engrossed was I, in fact, that I completely missed a story so dumb it couldn’t not be a column. Here’s the 2-week-old headline from the Trenton, New Jersey, Trentonian, just so you know what we’re dealing with: “Weapon charge dismissed for man with no muscle control in arms.” Read the rest of this entry →

28

08 2015

I’m With Stupid – July 19, 2013

THE DRONE MUTINY AND ITS ACCOMPANYING BOUNTY
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIf there’s one question we here at “I’m With Stupid” get asked all the time (there isn’t), it’s definitely “What is your favorite town?” I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, as “Do you actually get paid to write this nonsense?” and “What happened to your hair?” seem like much more logical queries.

In the past, we’ve always had trouble picking a favorite burg. We’re big fans of Telluride, Jackson, Wyo., Waitsfield, Vt., Cahuita, Costa Rica, and lots of other places, but as of last week, all those towns will be taking a back seat to what is absolutely our new favorite place on the map: Deer Trail, Colo. Read the rest of this entry →

19

07 2013

I’m With Stupid – December 28, 2012

THE LONGER THE WEAPON, THE SHORTER THE TOOL
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallNow that we’ve finally decided we can actually have a conversation about gun control in this country, I think those of us who are in favor of tougher measures have to face one unavoidable truth: Trying to control guns now is a case of shutting the barn doors after the horse gets out.

Gun-rights advocates are quick to point out, correctly, that as of 2009 there were more than 310 million nonmilitary firearms in the United States. That works out to a rate of about one gun for every American citizen. Read the rest of this entry →

28

12 2012

I’m With Stupid – December 21, 2012

A HEARTFELT REQUEST OF AMERICA’S MEDIA OUTLETS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI spent last weekend, as I know so many of you did, in shock and disbelief, sick to my stomach about the murders in Newtown, Conn. I’m always sickened by any sort of mass killing, but this one hit particularly close to home. Fairfield County, where Newtown is located, is the county in which I grew up, and I have a son about the same age as the poor children who were gunned down in the attack.

I won’t pretend to know the answers to what should be done to make us safer, but I think starting the conversation about gun control and better ways to treat the mentally ill is a good place to begin. Read the rest of this entry →

21

12 2012

I’m With Stupid – November 19, 2010

I’M NOT SAYING WOMEN ARE SMARTER, BUT …
by Todd Hartley

Guys, just so you know, women think you’re stupid. That’s probably not news to most men, but for those of you who still harbored the delusion that you were the brighter sex, you can go ahead and disabuse yourself of that notion. You may discover the cure for cancer or build a colony on Mars someday, but in the eyes of a woman, you are still a helpless clod.

Oh, they may acknowledge that you’re a genius after the fact. I’m sure ladies appreciate that Albert Einstein was a reasonably intelligent man, Read the rest of this entry →

19

11 2010

Gun control starts with using two hands

I have a few friends — their names and occupations don’t matter — who’ve basically decided that the people in the Middle East are irredeemable savages. And I think, sadly, that they’re expressing the opinion of lots of other silent Americans who are afraid to give voice to such a politically incorrect statement.

I don’t really agree with my friends. I’m still willing to believe that the vast majority of Middle Easterners are decent, hard-working folk who are just trying to eke out a living and raise their families in peace. Read the rest of this entry →

13

08 2010

Kilt him a b’ar, when he was only 5

In light of the recent Supreme Court ruling affirming the right of Americans to possess guns, I thought now would be an appropriate time to revisit a story I read on CNN.com a few months ago, about a 5-year-old boy who killed a bear while hunting with his grandpa. I remember being surprised at the time that there wasn’t more of a “national debate” on the subject.

The bear, weighing in at 445 pounds, was 12 times the size of little Tre Merritt, who, unsurprisingly, hailed from Arkansas County, Arkansas. Read the rest of this entry →

04

07 2008


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