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Posts Tagged ‘holidays’

I’m With Stupid – November 25, 2016

DUMB PROCLAMATIONS FROM A TURKEY HANGOVER
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallThe other day, I was standing in front of a mirror with my shirt off — not deliberately, mind you. It’s not like I took my shirt off to go flex in front of a mirror. I just happened to be stepping out of the shower — and maybe the mirror was fogged up or something, but I actually thought I looked a little less flabby than I usually do.

Buoyed, I stepped on the scale hoping for glad tidings, and boy, was I wrong. Turns out I was near the high end of my range, which is typically from about 205 to 215 pounds, depending on how recently lunch or a good bowel movement has taken place. Read the rest of this entry →

25

11 2016

I’m With Stupid – December 25, 2015

THE DREAD AFFLICTION OF ELVES ON YOUR SHELVES
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI realize this is going to sound like the Grinchiest thing ever, but I cannot wait for the holiday season to finally end so I can be rid of the infernal Elf on the Shelf that first darkened our home last yuletide. His name is Fred, and the sooner he packs his bags and disappears for another spring, summer and fall, the happier I will be.

If you’re not familiar with elves on the shelves, they’re supposed to be plush dolls that you buy and then set somewhere in your house for your child to find. However, through my own stupidity, the elf we got, Fred, ended up being an unposable, hard-rubber elf that looks like it’s squatting on the toilet. Read the rest of this entry →

25

12 2015

I’m With Stupid – December 31, 2010

WHAT TO SAY WHEN THE CAROLERS SHOW UP
by Todd Hartley

In the spirit of inoffensive political correctness, I want to wish all Christians, Jews, Sunni Muslims, people of African descent, Buddhists, Wiccans, Canadians, Humanists and Zoroastrians everywhere a belated merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, memorable Ashura, joyous Kwanzaa, fantastic Bodhi Day, festive Yule (or Litha, for you southern hemisphere Wiccans), super Boxing Day, sensational Human Light and celebratory Death of the Prophet Zarathustra. Read the rest of this entry →

31

12 2010


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