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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

I’m With Stupid – November 21, 2014

TOP 5 REASONS NOT TO MARRY CHARLES MANSON
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallHave you heard about this woman who’s going to marry Charles Manson? No, seriously, some 26-year-old woman originally from Illinois got a marriage license and is reportedly all set to marry one of America’s most infamous criminals in December. I don’t know the woman personally, so I don’t want to come right out and call her stupid, but let’s be realistic: Few people have ever done anything stupider.

The woman, whose given name is Afton Burton, claims she became smitten with Manson 10 years ago after reading about his environmental leanings. I’m guessing she must have skimmed the first part of his bio Read the rest of this entry →

21

11 2014

I’m With Stupid – September 20, 2013

BREWING UP LOVE POTION NO. 9 LIVES
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallSeven years ago, when my wife was pregnant with our son, she came home one day and declared that her obstetrician had instructed her to stop scooping up the cat litter. She claimed there was a medical reason for this, but I always assumed it was just some deal women had worked out with their doctors to get out of doing an objectionable chore.

I base this on the fact that our son is now 6, which presumably should be long enough post-pregnancy for my wife to start cleaning the litter again. She hasn’t. Read the rest of this entry →

20

09 2013

I’m With Stupid – November 19, 2010

I’M NOT SAYING WOMEN ARE SMARTER, BUT …
by Todd Hartley

Guys, just so you know, women think you’re stupid. That’s probably not news to most men, but for those of you who still harbored the delusion that you were the brighter sex, you can go ahead and disabuse yourself of that notion. You may discover the cure for cancer or build a colony on Mars someday, but in the eyes of a woman, you are still a helpless clod.

Oh, they may acknowledge that you’re a genius after the fact. I’m sure ladies appreciate that Albert Einstein was a reasonably intelligent man, Read the rest of this entry →

19

11 2010

Congratulations! You may now shave the bride

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be nice to tell a heartwarming story about a fairy-tale wedding where the bride and groom meet, fall in love, say their vows and live happily ever after. The kind of wedding Disney wants you to believe happens all the time. Unfortunately, though, as life isn’t a Disney movie, you will get no such heartwarming story.

Instead, you will get the story of a young Arab couple — let’s call them Abdul and Fatima — whose own marriage fell just short of the Disney standard. Read the rest of this entry →

12

02 2010

Girls who do and guys who do too much

With 2009 finally behind us, I thought this would be a good time to sit back and reflect on some of the notable events and landmarks of the past year. Now, I know many of you probably assume I’m going to talk about such mundane things as the U.S. inaugurating its first black president, or the passing of such American icons as Ted Kennedy and Michael Jackson, but fear not; I shan’t bore you with such tedious trivia. I have bigger fish to fry. Read the rest of this entry →

01

01 2010

With this cow, I thee wed

Shortly before my wife and I started living together, I decided, like some ill-advised Buddhist, to simplify my life, so I got rid of everything that wouldn’t fit in my car, including my job and my apartment. Thus, when we finally tied the knot about a year later, the sum total of what I brought to the marriage amounted to a fork, a spoon, a steak knife, a can opener and two Pyrex bowls. Amazingly, saint that she is, my wife was still happy to have me, or at least she pretended she was. Read the rest of this entry →

14

08 2009


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