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Posts Tagged ‘men’

I’m With Stupid – April 25, 2014

WATCH WHERE YOU’RE AIMING THAT THING
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallEveryone knows that one of the best things about being a guy is the ability to pee standing up just about anywhere. It’s kind of like a superpower, and I, for one, am thankful every time I urinate al fresco. But as five Spider-Man movies in the past 12 years remind us: With great power comes great responsibility. Frankly, some of you young fellows have been abusing that responsibility lately.

First there was Daniel Athens, the 23-year-old man who last week was sentenced to 18 months in prison for urinating on the Alamo, which to me seems like an obvious thing to not urinate on. Read the rest of this entry →

25

04 2014

I’m With Stupid – April 18, 2014

CHICKEN PIZZA AND TV SPORTS AT THE HAIR HOOTERS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI was watching the Masters on TV last weekend, and I noticed for the umpteenth time that every ad during the telecast was for either a financial services company or a pill to make your wiener hard. Why is that? Is the public perception of golf fans seriously that they’re all rich but impotent?

I find that pretty funny because I love golf and I’m neither of those things, although having been poor my entire adult life, I would happily take a penis pill for the money. Read the rest of this entry →

18

04 2014

I’m With Stupid – July 12, 2013

GET YOUR MINDS AND BODIES OUT OF THE TOILET
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallHey, guys, I think we need to have a little talk about the birds and the bees because apparently some of you slept through your sex-ed classes or completely misunderstood your fathers when they tried to explain things to you. I know that part of the joy of sex is freedom of expression — and I think it’s great when people want to try new things — but a few of you have been embarrassing our gender these past couple of weeks.

It all started earlier this month when firefighters were called to a hospital in Ibiza, Spain, to help a 51-year-old German man free his genitals from a sex toy. Read the rest of this entry →

12

07 2013

I’m With Stupid – April 20, 2012

MAKING YOURSELF MORE SMARTER THE ALCOHOLIC WAY
by Todd Hartley

Are you tired of hearing nothing but bad news? I know I am. It seems like every time I turn on the TV or surf the Internet or pick up a newspaper, all I hear or read about is government gridlock, partisan bickering in Washington, war, terrorism, murder, unemployment, obesity, etc., etc., etc. Thankfully, I’ve finally found some news that is not only good, it’s also completely practical.

A recent study from the University of Illinois published in the Journal of Consciousness and Cognition has shown that when men are given alcohol, “they can solve almost 40 percent more problems Read the rest of this entry →

20

04 2012

I’m With Stupid – August 5, 2011

PRIDE (IN THE NAME OF HETEROSEXUAL LOVE)
by Todd Hartley

I’m fully aware that more than a few people out there will heartily disagree with the following statement, but it’s something I’ve felt for a while now, so I’m going to go ahead and say it: There is no more marginalized segment of the population than straight, Protestant, Anglo-Saxon males (SPASMs), a segment to which, despite my lack of any sort of religion, I apparently belong.

Oh sure, plenty of us get to be things like senators, congressmen, CEOs and obnoxious humor columnists, but that just makes people hate us as a group all the more. Read the rest of this entry →

05

08 2011

I’m With Stupid – July 22, 2011

EVEN DOLPHINS DON’T DO SO MANY DOLPHIN KICKS
by Todd Hartley

A few months ago, we here at I’m With Stupid brought you the unbelievable but true stories of Stefaan Engels, who ran a marathon every day for a year, and Greg Hill, who climbed and skied 2 million vertical feet in a year. (That’s quite a bit more than a vertical mile each day. That’s a lot, for those of you who were wondering.)

Now, I have no doubt that those two endeavors involved a lot of pain. I think the most I ever jogged was about eight miles. The next day I couldn’t move, and I basically haven’t jogged since. And a few weeks ago, I climbed and skied about 3,500 vertical feet. It was fun, but it damn near killed me. Read the rest of this entry →

22

07 2011

I’m With Stupid – November 19, 2010

I’M NOT SAYING WOMEN ARE SMARTER, BUT …
by Todd Hartley

Guys, just so you know, women think you’re stupid. That’s probably not news to most men, but for those of you who still harbored the delusion that you were the brighter sex, you can go ahead and disabuse yourself of that notion. You may discover the cure for cancer or build a colony on Mars someday, but in the eyes of a woman, you are still a helpless clod.

Oh, they may acknowledge that you’re a genius after the fact. I’m sure ladies appreciate that Albert Einstein was a reasonably intelligent man, Read the rest of this entry →

19

11 2010


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