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Posts Tagged ‘pets’

I’m With Stupid – January 6, 2017

AVOWED DOG PERSON EULOGIZES FELINE FRENEMY
by Todd Hartley

Before we get to the sappy part of this column, I want to explain a few things having to do with my relationship with poetry and cats. I feel a deeper understanding of both subjects will make it easier for you to forgive me for the sappy part when we finally get there.

First of all, I am not a poet. I’m more of a sonneteer. To me, a poet is someone who gets up in front of six people in a coffee house and recites some gobbledygook about their feelings, and that’s so not me. That sort of brutally honest, stream-of-consciousness stuff is beyond my capability. That’s why I work almost exclusively in sonnets. Read the rest of this entry →

06

01 2017

I’m With Stupid – March 11, 2016

SETTING REASONABLE LIMITS FOR YOUR TURTLES AND DUCKS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIf you know me, you know that I’m a friend to all animals, including the ones I have no problem eating, which is most of them. I consider myself a champion of the little creatures and very pro-wildlife in my political leanings, and I live with two dogs and a cat. So when I say that I’m cool with someone having a bunch of pets of various species, you can believe it.

But even I have my limits — and apparently my limits are 38 and 33.

Actually, let me rephrase that: I’m not sure what my limits are, but I know that the numbers 38 and 33, both of which factored into animal news recently, are way beyond them. Read the rest of this entry →

11

03 2016

I’m With Stupid – December 19, 2014

GENETICALLY, IT’S THE SAME AS A CHIHUAHUA
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallLooking for that perfect last-minute holiday gift? Have you considered a wolf cub? No, seriously. They’re a little pricey at about $500, but that’s way cheaper than your average, run-of-the-mill whatever-poo.

You may scoff, but if you know any wealthy landowners in Kazakhstan, you would totally make their Rozhdestvo (pronounced: ruhzh-dees-TVOH) by buying them a wolf cub. Apparently, they’re all the rage among the elite in the Almaty region this holiday season. Read the rest of this entry →

19

12 2014

I’m With Stupid – July 4, 2014

IS IT EVER OK TO PUNCH AN EVIL RABBIT?
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallDid you ever see the movie “Willard,” starring Crispin Glover? It came out back in 2003 and didn’t fare that well at the box office, but it’s pretty good if you like creepy things like Crispin Glover. It’s about a guy who makes friends with the huge colony of rats living in his basement and then charmingly trains them to kill and devour someone.

Now, I’m as big a fan of pet rats as anyone; astute readers will remember that just a month and a half ago, I vowed to get one if they ever learn how to grow fur on their tails. Read the rest of this entry →

04

07 2014

I’m With Stupid – September 20, 2013

BREWING UP LOVE POTION NO. 9 LIVES
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallSeven years ago, when my wife was pregnant with our son, she came home one day and declared that her obstetrician had instructed her to stop scooping up the cat litter. She claimed there was a medical reason for this, but I always assumed it was just some deal women had worked out with their doctors to get out of doing an objectionable chore.

I base this on the fact that our son is now 6, which presumably should be long enough post-pregnancy for my wife to start cleaning the litter again. She hasn’t. Read the rest of this entry →

20

09 2013

I sense a lucky four-pawed Clover

A few years ago, if you had mentioned a pet psychic or animal communicator, as they are sometimes called, mine would have been among the loudest voices calling you a gullible fool. These people, who claim they can use their minds to sense what pets are feeling, are quite obviously charlatans, I would have said. Psychics, in my cynical view, are nothing but con artists, pet psychics even more so.

But then something happened that made me rethink my position. Read the rest of this entry →

21

08 2009


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