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Posts Tagged ‘pizza’

I’m With Stupid – May 13, 2016

DAILY PIZZA CONSUMPTION COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallYears ago, I had a friend in Aspen who was a very large man. He’d been an offensive lineman on his college’s football team, and here in town he’d packed on a few more pounds through plenty of booze and unhealthy eating habits. (He has since shed roughly 100 pounds and now trains pilates instructors, but that’s irrelevant to this story. This is about when he was still huge.)

His apartment, a tiny one-bedroom, was furnished almost exclusively with pizza boxes. He had a bed and a couch, but the coffee table, nightstand, end tables and most everything else were nothing more than stacks of old Domino’s boxes piled high.  Read the rest of this entry →

13

05 2016

I’m With Stupid – April 18, 2014

CHICKEN PIZZA AND TV SPORTS AT THE HAIR HOOTERS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI was watching the Masters on TV last weekend, and I noticed for the umpteenth time that every ad during the telecast was for either a financial services company or a pill to make your wiener hard. Why is that? Is the public perception of golf fans seriously that they’re all rich but impotent?

I find that pretty funny because I love golf and I’m neither of those things, although having been poor my entire adult life, I would happily take a penis pill for the money. Read the rest of this entry →

18

04 2014

I’m With Stupid – July 19, 2013

THE DRONE MUTINY AND ITS ACCOMPANYING BOUNTY
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIf there’s one question we here at “I’m With Stupid” get asked all the time (there isn’t), it’s definitely “What is your favorite town?” I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, as “Do you actually get paid to write this nonsense?” and “What happened to your hair?” seem like much more logical queries.

In the past, we’ve always had trouble picking a favorite burg. We’re big fans of Telluride, Jackson, Wyo., Waitsfield, Vt., Cahuita, Costa Rica, and lots of other places, but as of last week, all those towns will be taking a back seat to what is absolutely our new favorite place on the map: Deer Trail, Colo. Read the rest of this entry →

19

07 2013

I’m With Stupid – May 24, 2013

HIS BOY ELROY’S PIPING HOT PROTEIN-LAYER PIZZA
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallYou could call it life imitating “The Jetsons,” but I feel like other portrayals of the future have featured similar contraptions. Regardless, it appears the future is now, people. Science has finally caught up with Hanna-Barbera. We’re going to have food machines soon.

I’m not talking about vending machines with metal coils and tiny bags of potato chips that get caught and don’t fall, thus robbing you of a buck-fifty. We already have those. Read the rest of this entry →

24

05 2013

I’m With Stupid – April 13, 2012

IN LIVERPOOL, THEY CALL IT CRUSTY WEINER PUDDING
by Todd Hartley

By now, we’ve all heard so much about the alleged obesity epidemic threatening America’s waistlines that if you’re anything like me, you stopped paying attention years ago. Everyone in America is overweight, a single restaurant entree could feed a family of 23 Somalis, deep-frying everything greatly reduces its nutritional value, blah, blah, blah. We get it: We’re fat.

It’s gotten to the point where we just assume that if something is really bad for you – like chicken fried bacon, which actually exists – it first appeared somewhere in the U.S. Read the rest of this entry →

13

04 2012


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