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Posts Tagged ‘politics’

I’m With Stupid – February 10, 2017

ONE OF MY STATE’S SENATORS ISN’T GOOD AT SENATING
by Todd Hartley

We just got an abject, though illuminating, lesson in party politics here in Colorado courtesy of our two U.S. senators, Cory Gardner and Michael Bennet, with regards to the Senate confirmation of Michigan billionaire Betsy DeVos as secretary of education.

I mean, I guess everyone in America got the lesson, seeing as how the Senate split 50-50, with 50 Republican senators voting in favor of confirming DeVos, and all 48 Democrats and two Republicans, both women, voting against it. But I think the party divide was more amplified here in the Rocky Mountain State. Read the rest of this entry →

10

02 2017

I’m With Stupid – November 4, 2016

I’VE NEVER BEEN SO EAGER FOR A WEDNESDAY
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallCan you see it? There, just up ahead. It’s … it’s … it’s the light at the end of the tunnel! Hallelujah! We’re saved! It’s almost over!

Just smell that fresh air wafting here from next week, promising happier times when Election Day will be a thing of the past and we won’t have to breathe the putrid fumes of Campaign 2016 anymore. I’m giddy just thinking about it.

Imagine, for a second, that you’re someone from a random, foreign country and you’ve been following American politics from afar all summer and fall. Think about what you’ve been witnessing. Read the rest of this entry →

04

11 2016

I’m With Stupid – April 22, 1016

ARBY’S ASSAULT A SIGN OF NO-BACON APOCALYPSE
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallSo with the New York primaries over and the resounding victories for both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, it’s looking more and more as if that will be our choice for president: Trump or Clinton. Looked at in that light, I guess what happened in Oklahoma makes perfect sense. In fact, it almost seems inevitable.

But before I go any further, I want to take one last opportunity to implore you before it’s too late: Please, now, while there’s still time, nominate John Kasich and Bernie Sanders. The future of the human race depends on it.  Read the rest of this entry →

22

04 2016

I’m With Stupid – December 18, 2015

THE MANCHURIAN TRUMPIDATE AND HIS BIG HAIR SECRET
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI have to admit, I haven’t watched any of the Republican presidential debates yet, I don’t follow the polls and I’ve never visited any of the candidates’ websites to learn their positions on the issues, so I honestly don’t know much about what’s going on with the upcoming primaries. I heard some real estate developer and reality-TV star was leading the pack, but that sounded like a joke to me.

Given my lack of knowledge about all that, I hope you’ll forgive me when I ask: Who is this Donald Trump fellow with the wacky hair whose name and face I can’t seem to avoid even when I’m doing everything I can to avoid them? Read the rest of this entry →

18

12 2015

I’m With Stupid – November 9, 2012

AN OPEN AND MOSTLY UNCYNICAL LETTER TO CANDIDATE MITT
by Todd Hartley

Dear Mr. Romney,

My condolences on your loss. I can’t say I’m sorry you didn’t win because I didn’t vote for you, but you seem like a nice person (most Mormons are, in my experience), and it must be hard to lose something on which you’ve worked so tirelessly for the last five-plus years. My hockey team lost a game in overtime a couple of weeks ago, and it was no fun at all, but that only took up about an hour of my life. I can only imagine how tough it must be to lose a presidential election after all that time, money and effort. Read the rest of this entry →

09

11 2012

I’m With Stupid – October 12, 2012

TRYING TO INFLUENCE ELECTIONS, ONE THREAT AT A TIMESHARE
by Todd Hartley

Did you hear about the billionaire CEO who threatened to fire some of his employees if Obama wins the election?

What a douche bag. Is this seriously what it’s come to in America? We’ve become a friggin’ oligarchy, with money-grubbing timeshare developers, casino magnates and oilmen trying to call the shots so they can keep stuffing their ludicrously deep pockets. Read the rest of this entry →

12

10 2012

I’m With Stupid – February 17, 2012

A STEAMING PILE OF DOG DOO WITH A SIDE OF ROMNEY
by Todd Hartley

I’ve always thought Mitt Romney’s name sounds like a way in which you would order wiener schnitzel at a German restaurant – “Can I get mine mitt romney? Danke schoen!” – as if romney were a sort of smelly purple cabbage that came on the side. So I actually went to the trouble of looking up what Mitt Romney means in German. Turns out it means Mitt Romney, but mit rommé, which is awfully close, means something like “with rummy,” as in the card game rummy. Read the rest of this entry →

17

02 2012

I’m With Stupid – October 15, 2010

A REAL PLATFORM FOR US REAL AMERICANS
by T. Partley

I’ve been looking over the ballot for next month’s election, and I have to say that our choices for elected positions aren’t exactly inspiring. I’m not going to name names or anything like that, but if you’ve seen the ballot, you’ll agree there’s nobody on it who makes you wish you could vote early and vote often, the way I frequently do.

With that in mind, I would like to officially announce my own candidacy and urge you all to consider me as a write-in candidate. Read the rest of this entry →

15

10 2010

Join hands and sing Kumbaya

Great news, people; just a few more days, and the presidential campaigns will finally be over! Regardless of who wins, I think we can all be thankful for that.

Is there anything positive to be said about a process that takes an American hero like John McCain and, through an endless series of increasingly bitter and negative attacks on his opponent, strips him of his dignity and integrity? Or that paints a decent and dedicated public servant like Barack Obama as some sort of radical socialist and terrorist-by-association? Read the rest of this entry →

31

10 2008


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