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Posts Tagged ‘religion’

I’m With Stupid – March 20, 2015

GOD SAID YOU SHOULD BUY ME A YACHT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallHey everyone, I’ve been talking to this guy and he told me that I need a big yacht so I can cruise around the world telling people that he told me you can get a big yacht if you believe you can.

And not just any yacht, mind you; he told me I needed Everest, a 600-foot megayacht being built right now in Fort Lauderdale. Everest will have 17 bedroom suites with private terraces, a pool, indoor and outdoor cinemas, a gym, spa, dive center, two elevators and room for two helicopters, numerous cars, a submarine, another boat or two and 80 people to run everything Read the rest of this entry →

20

03 2015

I’m With Stupid – January 16, 2015

BOW WOW WOW YIPPIE YO YIPPIE YAY, AMEN
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallSometimes, the answer is right in front of you and you don’t even realize it. Take, for example, the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office in Clearwater, Florida. For the past few months, people in the office have been walking on two new rugs bearing the department’s emblem, and it wasn’t until last week that someone finally noticed that instead of reading “In God we trust,” like they were supposed to, the emblems on the rugs read, “In dog we trust.”

I, for one, think that is the greatest thing ever, Read the rest of this entry →

16

01 2015

I’m With Stupid – June 1, 2012

GOD’S OWN WAY OF WEEDING OUT THE GULLIBLE
by Todd Hartley 

I know nothing about religion. Let’s just get that out of the way right off the bat. In fact, if you’ve been following this column the last four years, you can probably recall numerous instances when I wrote something so absurdly incorrect about people’s beliefs that it defied all belief. That’s ultimately how clueless I am when it comes to matters of faith.

But I content myself in knowing that, at the very least, I have never deliberately maligned someone’s faith, despite my stunning lack of knowledge concerning the subject. Read the rest of this entry →

01

06 2012

I’m With Stupid – January 13, 2012

SETTING MY OWN STUPID RECORD STRAIGHT
by Todd Hartley

I’ll admit it: I’ve got nothing this week. Not one measly original thought in my head. So in order to stretch this poor excuse for a column to 750 words, I’m going to follow up on some of my more recent diatribes, written back when my brain still occasionally functioned. Those of you who don’t regularly read “I’m With Stupid” may have a hard time following this, but that’s not really my problem, is it?

• Are you freaking kidding me? I go on a health-food cleanse for one week, and Hostess suddenly files for bankruptcy? Come on. Was I seriously the last person keeping the company afloat? I can’t be the only one in America who routinely eats eight or nine Twinkies for breakfast, can I? Read the rest of this entry →

13

01 2012

I’m With Stupid – August 5, 2011

PRIDE (IN THE NAME OF HETEROSEXUAL LOVE)
by Todd Hartley

I’m fully aware that more than a few people out there will heartily disagree with the following statement, but it’s something I’ve felt for a while now, so I’m going to go ahead and say it: There is no more marginalized segment of the population than straight, Protestant, Anglo-Saxon males (SPASMs), a segment to which, despite my lack of any sort of religion, I apparently belong.

Oh sure, plenty of us get to be things like senators, congressmen, CEOs and obnoxious humor columnists, but that just makes people hate us as a group all the more. Read the rest of this entry →

05

08 2011

I’m With Stupid – February 25, 2011

ALLAH PAINTS GRAFFITI ON NEWBORN RUSSIAN CHILD
by Todd Hartley

Here at I’m With Stupid, one of our favorite recurring themes, other than trying to write the longest, oddest run-on sentences we can, is poking gentle fun at people who think they see religious images in everyday stuff.

Obviously, we’ve covered Mary appearing in ceiling tiles and window smudges, and we devoted a great many column inches to a moth that bore a stunning resemblance to Jesus, but we’ve also reported on toasters that sear Christ’s likeness onto slices of bread; Read the rest of this entry →

25

02 2011

I’m With Stupid – September 24, 2010

BIBLICAL MIRACLES YOU CAN PERFORM AT HOME
by Todd Hartley

Let’s do an experiment. Get a plate with raised edges and put some water in it. Now set the plate down and blow on the water. Did it move away and expose part of the plate? It did? Good. You just proved that Moses could indeed have parted the Red Sea!

All right, I admit that’s a bit of an oversimplification, but it’s not too far removed from what some scientists have been doing recently in an effort to bridge the gap between science and religion. Read the rest of this entry →

24

09 2010


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