THE SLIME FACIAL IS ODDLY NOT A PORN THING
by Todd Hartley
Before I write anything else, I want to state for the record that the gastropod-facial idea has been my intellectual property for many years now, and I am entitled to all revenues and assets derived from its practice from hereon and henceforth unto perpetuity, yada, yada, yada.
Anyway, with that bit of legal unpleasantness out of the way, we shall proceed.
I’m beginning to get concerned. Last week, I wrote a column — a sober, intellectual treatise on the myriad industrial uses of urine — inspired by an article my wife emailed me as a column idea. Read the rest of this entry →