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Posts Tagged ‘star wars’

I’m With Stupid – March 18, 2016

EVIL SITH LORD SPOTTED ON LONG ISLAND CAMPUS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallYou may not know this, but there was an incident recently at Farmingdale State College on Long Island in which the entire school went into lockdown because someone thought they saw a person assembling a rifle. It turned out it wasn’t a rifle; it was a lightsaber. When they realized that, the cops went away and the college returned to normal.

This just shows how ridiculous security measures have become in this country. They locked down an entire college because someone thought a lightsaber was a gun. And then, when the cops and campus security found out it wasn’t a gun, they acted like it was no big deal. Read the rest of this entry →

18

03 2016

I’m With Stupid – August 22, 2014

HITCHER MEETS TERMINATOR IN TERRIFYING EXPERIMENT
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallIn case you were wondering, HitchBOT made it safely to the Pacific Coast last week. I know a lot of you have been following the HitchBOT story, so you’ll be glad to know it was a success.

For those of you who don’t know what HitchBOT is, I’ll explain. HitchBOT is a robot that just hitchhiked its way from Halifax, Nova Scotia, to Victoria, British Columbia, a distance of about 3,700 miles.

Super nerds might say HitchBOT looks a little like R5-D4 with pool-noodle appendages; Read the rest of this entry →

22

08 2014

I’m With Stupid – July 25, 2014

SAVING ME FROM MY SUSPECT CYCLING SKILLS
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI want to take this opportunity to wish my mother, who turns a year older today, a very happy birthday, although I fear she won’t have one. You see, my poor mother just had surgery the other day on her shoulder, and pain is one of her least favorite feelings but most favorite conversation topics.

On that note, I’d also like to wish my poor father good luck. Pop, make sure to get Mom a birthday present that is way over the top, like morphine or maybe the cast of “Downton Abbey” to wait on her hand and foot as she recovers. Read the rest of this entry →

25

07 2014

I’m With Stupid – December 13, 2013

LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, TUPAC, PRINCESS LEIA AND EVERYTHING
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallAvid readers of this column — and I’m sure there must be millions of you — are by now probably aware of the fact that I’ve always secretly wished I was some kind of space scientist. In fact, back in my school days, I was torn between becoming a snarky humor writer or an astrobiologist. I chose writing because I was under the impression that it paid better. For the record, I was very, very wrong.

But I always thought I’d have made a good astrophysicist. (Right now, I imagine a lot of you are scoffing, thinking that it’s awfully presumptuous of me to think I’m as smart as Copernicus, Galileo, Newton, Einstein or Stephen Hawking. I’m not; I’m much more smarterer than any of them.) Read the rest of this entry →

13

12 2013

I’m With Stupid – October 11, 2013

MOUNTAIN BIKING IS MUCH BETTER WITHOUT A MOUNTAIN
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI have a confession to make, and it’s probably going to brand me as a bit of a pariah here in the high country, but having spent 43 years not really caring what people think of me, I’m not sure why I would start worrying about it now.

Anyway, here’s the thing: I don’t especially like mountain biking. I know, I know: If you live in Colorado and consider yourself active, it’s more or less assumed that you love mountain biking, right? But it’s just not that enjoyable. Read the rest of this entry →

11

10 2013

I’m With Stupid – January 18, 2013

WHY ARE GEEKS SO MAD ABOUT ‘STAR WARS’?
by Todd Hartley

Todd Hartley-smallI have a 5-year-old son, and we have satellite radio in one of our cars, so we spend a lot of time listening to a station called “Kids Place Live.” As you can probably glean from the name, it’s aimed at youngsters, but to be honest, it’s actually one of my favorite channels.

There are some awful songs, to be sure, but most of them are pretty good. One song in particular that my son and I enjoy is “Why Is Dad So Mad?” by a band called The Board of Education. The lyrics go something like this: “Why does Dad get so mad about Star Wars? Mr. Lucas what did you do?” Read the rest of this entry →

18

01 2013

I’m With Stupid – November 2, 2012

THREE YEARS FROM NOW IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY
by Todd Hartley

The big news in entertainment circles last week, of course, was Disney’s purchase of Lucasfilm for $4.05 billion and the announcement that the “Star Wars” movies would be renewed for another trilogy starting in 2015. What has been overlooked in all the hoopla, however, is the question of how, exactly, Disney will breathe life back into a franchise that, while commercially successful, has sucked for the last three or four films. Read the rest of this entry →

02

11 2012

I’m With Stupid – February 3, 2012

I FEEL A GREAT DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE
by Todd Hartley

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away – actually, it was last month in Portland, Oregon, but just go with me – a valiant knight of the revered order of Jedi suffered two great injustices at the evil hands of the galactic empire. Such aggression will not stand, my friends, so I humbly beg of you now to join me in my effort to liberate David Allen Canterbury, one of the last remaining Jedis in the Pacific Northwest.

Canterbury, known to some as Obi-Wan Canternobi, must have witnessed some sort of horrible crime at a Toys R Us store, Read the rest of this entry →

03

02 2012


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