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Posts Tagged ‘vatican’

I’m With Stupid – November 18, 2011

WEAR THESE CLOTHES WHILE YOU KISS THE POPE
by Todd Hartley

I don’t know a whole lot about advertising. That may seem kind of pathetic considering I made all the ads for a real estate company for a few years, but that was pretty basic stuff: slap a picture of a house on the page, make up some nonsense about granite countertops and an open floor plan, and ship the ad off to whichever publication it was running in. As far as real advertising goes, though, I don’t have much of a clue. Read the rest of this entry →

18

11 2011

Beat the recession — sell a lost da Vinci

With the global economy taking its own sweet time recovering, I know a lot of my readers around the world have been looking for good ways to make some extra income. As usual, I’ve taken it upon myself to do the legwork for you, and I believe I’ve come up with a virtually foolproof investment plan that I think you will agree can pay off quite handsomely.

Here’s all you have to do: Buy an anonymous portrait at an art auction, and then prove it was actually done by Leonardo da Vinci. What could be simpler than that? Read the rest of this entry →

16

10 2009

I can feel St. Emil's Fire burning in me

There are more than 10,000 saints recognized by the Roman Catholic Church, an astounding figure that works out to about 51 per country. Plus, you have to figure that there aren’t a lot of saints coming out of, say, China or Iran or any country with a “stan” in its name, so we can assume the saints-per-country ratio is even higher in places that actually have Catholics, right?

Yet somehow just two of those saints, Elizabeth Ann Seton and Katherine Drexel, were born on American soil. Only Drexel was born after the United States declared independence. Read the rest of this entry →

26

06 2009

Pity the poor pontiff

It must be tough being the pope. I mean, think of all the things you have to deal with. You’ve got the spiritual well-being of about a billion Catholics to worry about, you’ve got the whole child molestation scandal hanging over your head, and worst of all, somebody might be masturbating somewhere.

You can’t have had all that exciting a life either, at least in my hedonistic view of things. Sure, you might get to spend your afterlife playing bocce ball with God himself, but right now you’re an 81-year-old virgin who has basically spent his entire life with his head buried in the same long-winded book. Read the rest of this entry →

22

08 2008


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